(Insert Name Here) Wars
--Episode 7--
Written by: Kain
With Transmetal on his way to Dark World and the Koolaid man's take-over of Bingo, the colonists are wondering what the hell is going on. The Koolaid man is strict in his governing. Shen Tzu-Long is dead, but no one knows where the body is. Kain is planning an attack on Bingo. Tifa is planning a defense from some unstoppable force. Biosoldier is trapped in a wine cellar. Barbie Boy is on ticker tape. Cheesy Boy is sleeping in the dog pen. What will happen next?
"Lord Kain," a frail man bows before an elaborate throne, "My family must have some food in order to survive." Kain only half listens to the man's pathetic pleas. Long ago, Kain decided that people deserved whatever fate dealt them.
"I suppose you want me to do something about your crisis?" The man nods. Kain sneers at him. "Am I supposed to fix every mess you people get yourselves into? No, I'm not, and I won't. It's your fault that you don't have food and it's your fault that you have no money!"
"It is also our, the people's, fault that a man like you came into power, but what choice did we have. You were the only one strong enough to unite us."
"And if you could do it over, would you do the same thing?"
"I would awaken Tifa Keeze and have her lead us!" Kain's eyes grow dark and his voice fills with gloom. He stares into the man's eyes. His trembles can be seen by the guards at the door. Kain advances slowly. His hand grasps the withered neck. He lifts the man into the air so he is at eye level. "Would you, really?" With that, Kain breaks the man's neck with a quick flick of the wrist.
"You shouldn't take people so seriously, Kain." There, in the doorway, stood Tifa. "If you continue to kill everyone that pisses you off, you'll have an empty kingdom." Kain just looks at her. His eyes are unwavering.
"Shut up, wench." The guards come to clean up the body. Kain continues to look at Tifa, who is now spiteful from his choice of words. "I don't want to hear any comments on my leadership from you. If you want to rule alone, then you're out of luck." Tifa's eyes begin to well up with hatred.
"I'm just trying to help you with the people." She turns harshly and exits in a slow run. So, Kain thinks to himself, Tifa is still just an emotional girl. Kain could have burst out laughing, but Tifa is right about one thing, Kain needed to improve his public relations. If he mocked Tifa publicly, he would lose the support of those who were glad to see the return of the Dominion. Kain kept his laughter to himself. He didn't want factions coming out of his callousness.
In a nearby field, a farmer casually waters his crops and daydreams. He daydreams of big feasts and gorgeous women, that is, until he realizes that he is watering an escape pod. His eyes grow large. He remembers a story he heard of a farmer in his region that was killed by a man that came down in an escape pod. He trembles. The escape pod opens. He wets himself. Transmetal pops out. He sighs in relief. Transmetal looks at him blankly. "What's that smell?"
A man in dark clothing can be seen walking towards Kain's primary castle. He smirks with a crooked mouth. He enters the mighty steel doors guarding the entrance of the castle. He thinks to himself, Kain will be surprised to see me after all these years. After walking a short distance, the man is suddenly surrounded by guards. The guards proceed to escort him to the interrogation rooms. "Well, this will be interesting!" With a rush of punches and kicks, the man breaks free of his captors and runs toward Kain's throne room.
Transmetal is sitting at the counter of a farmhouse, sipping a cup of black coffee. The farmer, newly dressed, is talking with him about his coming to Dark World.
"Aren't you the leader of the people on Bingo?"
"No, that damn Kool Aid Man took my job."
"The Kool Aid Man took your job? Isn't that kind of pathetic?"
"Shut up. I need to know where I can get my hands on some technologically advanced things."
"Kain's the only one you can talk to about that. Well, him or his wife there."
"Huh? Say what? Kain has a wife? Hmm, this is my opening." Transmetal runs off with the cup of coffee, spilling it most of the way. He got half-a-mile away before he came walking back to the farmer. "I don't know where he is, could you show me?" The farmer nodded and off they went with their coffee, spilling it most of the way.
With the guards chasing him, the man in dark clothing tried to find a map of the castle. He finally found a big poster map with a "You Are Here" dot. He looked at the key in order to find the colored path to the throne room. Go figure, it was the red one. He followed the red line on the floor all the way to the throne room. There he threw open the doors and ran like hell in. Trying to catch his breath, he looks around. He suddenly realizes that Kain is looking at him, wide-eyed and confused. Tifa is standing next to him, just as wide-eyed and confused. Straightening himself up, he begins to speak. "Hi Kain!"
"Shadow...great."
"Oh come now, is that any way to greet an old friend?"
"We were never friends, Shadow. Your whole existence is based on my hatred."
"Heh, which may be a little hard to figure out to all of those people who don't know our past."
"Yeah, and?" Kain's patience is beginning to wear thin. Shadow begins to speak his meaning.
"I came to see if you needed a great general to lead a faction of your army against Bingo."
"No, I don't need one. I have Tifa here for that."
"How about a lieutenant?"
"Nope."
"Admiral?" Kain sighs and looks down upon Shadow.
"Fine, you can be an admiral." Shadow thanks him and begins to throw ideas at Kain and Tifa. Kain ignores almost all of them where as Tifa ignores all of them.
"This is the gate to Kain's throne room." The farmer stands with Transmetal outside the doors that lead into Kain's throne room. "Normally, you would have to prove yourself against all six of Kain's lieutenants, but they're all on vacation so you can just walk in." So Transmetal just walks in. Now Kain is seen looking blankly at Transmetal while holding his fist up to Shadow who is also looking blankly at Transmetal.
"What the hell?" Kain is very disturbed by the recent appearances of Transmetal and Shadow.
"Umm...yo!" Shadow smirks at Transmetal's appearance. He tends to be rather annoying sometimes. Kain still stares blankly at Transmetal while Tifa sits in a chair ignoring everything around her. Transmetal starts.
"I need some technically advanced powerful apparatuses. Something with get-up and go."
"No."
"Tifa, are you going to let him make this decision alone?"
"Yes."
"Damn it." After an unknown time of pleading, Kain takes Transmetal out into the hall to talk in private.
"I'll give you what you need to get back to the colony and take it over again."
"Actually, I'm not looking to..."
"I want you to lead that colony, Transmetal. I want you to lead it for the rest of your life."
"Umm...why?"
"Because if this Kool Aid Man rules the colony, there is no reason for me to take to a war. In short, I want a final showdown. You, and your colonial army, versus me, and my Nemesis. If you refuse then I'll have no choice but to kill you now."
"Right then, I'll go." Kain got Transmetal fixed up and ready to go. After a few days of Transmetal lounging about the castle, Kain threw him into a shuttle and launched him into space. Kain figures Transmetal can find his way to the colony with no problem. He leaves it at that. Kain returns to the throne room to finish his business with Shadow who is, by coincidence, still there. Kain walks in to see Shadow flirting with Tifa. Kain narrows his eyes and walks quietly towards them. He is just in time to hear Shadow's best pick up line. "So, this room is pretty clean."
Kain is stupefied at this so-called "great" pick up line. He walks up to Shadow, kicks him in the stomach, and sits in his throne. "One thing you must know, Shadow," Kain looks at him almost laughing. "You don't try to pick up Tifa." Kain then thinks about an assignment suitable to one that he dislikes. A grin comes to him. Not just any grin, an evil grin. Kain remembers where he is and proceeds with Shadow's assignment. "I assign you to protect the rocket house and all who dwell within the rocket house for all time the rocket house has fuel." Shadow stares blankly for a second then nods and runs off.
Tifa watches him go with a small smile. She looks up, sees Kain looking at her with an unpleased look, and the smile vanishes. "I wouldn't have been so willing to smile and laugh with him if you were any sort of a caring person."
"That's nice, Tifa." Tifa goes back to her usual sour mood. Kain never left his. "Has that big thingy been spotted again?"
"What do you mean 'again'? It never left the radar."
"Damn." Kain gets up and runs down to the radar room. Tifa follows shortly. Kain is now watching a screen. The dots and lines are completely unreadable. "What kind of radar is this? I can't even read it."
"That's not the radar, sir. That's the drawing Cheesy Boy taped up on the wall."
"Oh. Shut up." Tifa begins to laugh at him. Kain looks at her and smiles briefly. He turns his attention to the radar screen. "What a large and massive force. There isn't much there, only some small spaces of blue dots."
"Sir, the green is the objects." Kain's eyes widen. The entire screen is almost completely green. Tifa comes and grabs Kain's arm. "We need to do something." Kain looks at her and back at the screen.
"We will get the army together ahead of schedule. After wiping out Bingo, we'll attack that thing." Tifa nods and runs to go give the orders.
Two years later, Kain is ready to send the army to attack Bingo. He hopes that Transmetal managed to take control of the colony again. If he hasn't, oh well. Bingo will just be wiped out and Kain can focus on more important things. He turns to his soldiers and gives his final and only words of encouragement. "Remember, there is no shame in fighting and getting your ass kicked, but there is no honor in not fighting at all. Now go, and make my biding done." The soldiers are then gathered onto 300 ships to take them to space. Each ship holds 50 soldiers. Each soldier is equipped with enhanced space armor, a rail gun, a shield, and two shoulder-mounted chain guns. Kain is preparing to go up in his own ship as well. He says his final goodbye to Tifa, pushes Cheesy Boy out of the way, and boards his ship. The ships take off. Kain is suited with his Demon armor, his Hellfire rail cannon, his energy shield, his twin machine guns, and his trusty sword, the Dreadmaker.
The battle begins soon...
To Be Continued...