(Insert Name Here)
Wars
--Episode 8--
Glade "Plug-It-In"
Written by: Transmetal
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times... The best, because BarbieBoy was now free from his enslavement as a piece of ticker tape. The worst, because BarbieBoy had locked himself in the bathroom.
"Hello?! Anybody there?!"
The silence continued. BarbieBoy walked back over to the toliet seat, closed the cover, and sat down. His gaze wandered over to the Glade "Plug-It-In" in the wall. He stared at it for several long minutes, his eyes focused un-blinkingly on the object of his curiousity. It wasn't like he hadn't seen one of them before, he himself had been one of the early adopters of this device, for reasons which will not be discussed here. But then, he sniffed at the air...
"Uuuuggg!!"
It smelled horrible... But if there was a "Plug-It-In" installed here, shouldn't the place smell lemony fresh? That left only one possiblity, it wasn't turned on. BarbieBoy himself had just replaced the pack earlier that week. And it was impossible for it to NOT be turned on, he was on a commercial space-liner! BarbieBoy reflected on the cosmic impossiblity that no one would have tried to get into the bath room within the 58 hour period he had been locked in, but quickly brushed that fact aside.
BarbieBoy's thoughts traveled back over the events which had resulted in his being stranded in this position. A little over a year ago (It could have been more, he hadn't exactly been keeping track of time) he had been working as Kain's servant, aka "primary bitch". After helping Kain's greatest enemy, Transmetal, escape from his clutches, he was sentenced to life on a 3 1/4 floppy diskette. He was then strapped into a rocket and sent into orbit. Somehow, he had managed to get inside a passing shuttle, land back on earth, get sent back into space by Kain, where he was then printed out into ticker tape by some wierd person with a foreign accent. Phew! That was a mouth full.
Then, BarbieBoy realized something. If the "Plug-It-In" wasn't working, even though it was turned on and had a full... packet thingy... Then there must not be any electricity coming out of the outlet...
"I wondered why the lights were out..."
But, the ship's powersupply was constant! The only way it could possibly go out, was if the ship had been destroyed...
"Hmmmmm..."
In space, all was quite... Well, it would be quiet if it wasn't for the two enemy fleets, facing one another with nuclear lasers warmed up and ready to fire. On the first side, lay the Nemises fleet, colored in the standard black & red color scheme of their leader, Kain. On the other, lay Bingo's fleet, colored in whatever paint was avalible at the time being. It resembled a Hawaiian shirt, more than a fleet of deadly ships. Kain made it a point to say this in his pre-battle conversation with Transmetal.
"Your fleet looks like a Hawaiian shirt, more than a fleet of deadly ships... BWUAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Transmetal cringed visibly at Kain's words, the two were starring at each other over a ship-to-ship communication line. Kain looked at Transmetal through his high-definition theatre screen, while Transmetal looked at Kain through a hastely set up 12in black & white tv screen.
"Umm, Kain, I kinda forgot what we're fighting over again, could you refresh my memory?"
"Nothing that could possibly interest you, or that you could understand for that matter. Shall we dispense with the pleasentries and fight? I was hoping to kill you before Alf comes on, you know, it's my favorite show."
"Wait, so I'm supposed to allow an evil, maniacal, man like you rule all of humanity?"
"No, no, no... Biosoldier is maniacal, I am the dark overlord of humanity already. It's just a simple matter of needing to partake in an exceptionally large, B-movie space battle before I take up my throne over the last remenants of the human race."
"Hey, what should we do about that suspisous looking space cruiser, which mysteriously has a life-sign on it, which just happens to be floating in the middle of the battle field?"
"Ah, don't pay attention to that... Oops! I just accidently ordered my fleet to fire on you, sorry!"
And with that, the conversation ended. Kain's fleet, composed of many hundreds of F-15 esque fighters, began firing upon Transmetal's fleet, and the space junk which happened to be floating in the way. Kain's flag ship, the "Romanian Nobleman" fired it's twin mega-particle cannons. The majority of the beams missed their mark, Transmetal's flagship, but at least two of them hit the minor ships. Transmetal's minor ships may have lacked the power of Kain's ships, but they were infinitly more agile... That is, when the pilots were actually paying attention. Transmetal's ships resembled angular cones, with high frequency energy beam rifles attached to the sides. After a moment, they too began to fire.
Transmetal was thrown towards the wall, when an incoming missle hit the portside guns. After getting up, and walking out of his room, he headed towards the bridge. Cursing the lack of an elevator, he began climbing the ladder which led towards the bridge.
"Sir! We've engaged Kain's fleet!"
Transmetal had finally reached the bridge after a 5 minute climb.
"Excellent, now, where's my captain chair?"
"Sorry, we couldn't afford one."
"Right... Hey, what was our strategy again?"
"Our strategy was to use this battle as a distraction. Our fleet is really just a decoy, while our main force attempts an invasion of Dark World."
"Oh, that sounds good and all... But, um... Can I pilot my own minor ship?"
"Whatever you want sir."
"YEA!!!"
Just as the Nemises fleet had begun to attack Bingo, Kain himself walked towards the balcony overlooking his kingdom. Such a simple ruse, Kain stayed on Dark World while the majority of his fleet went to engage Bingo. He had originally intended to go up into space with his fleet, but had changed his mind just before the assualt. He had made sure to bring Tifa with him, leaving Shadow to lead the assualt. Tifa...
"Servant? Go and fetch Tifa, I wish to speak with her in the war room."
"Ye ye yes... sir! At once, my lord!" The studdering man took this opportunity to leave without hesitation.
Kain's thoughts drifted to Tifa... "What am I to do with her when this is over? And for that matter, what about Shadow?" He hadn't really been concerned with their fates, all he had wanted was absolute victory. Kain had assumed that he could kill them both when this was through, but they had both become quite popular with the populace. Tifa had been seen as a great leader, for it was only after she had joined Kain, that action was taken against the colony. Shadow was seen as a great leader too, he was now leading the fight against the colony.
"My lord! We cannot find Tifa in the castle!"
Kain turned towards the man.
"If you and your men are too incompetent to find a single woman in a single castle, then perhaps you won't be in my employment much longer... FIND HER NOW OR YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF MISSING SOME VITAL ORGANS!!!!"
The man's face turned pale, and he began to shake incontrollable. He sprinted as fast as he could, away from Kain. Kain turned back towards the window.
"Sunset..."
It reminded him of something... When he had first revived Tifa, he had read much of the legend surrounding her. She had been the last ditch of hope of a rebel army. This rebel army had suffered greatly under the weight of weak leadership, and the overwhelming material superiority of the opposing force. She had introduced the rebels to guerilla tactics, planning stealthy assaults on various outposts with minimal man-power. Over time, the opposing forces became increasingly scattered. The rebel's victory was secured beyond their wildest expectations, but then, something happened...
Tifa stood at the top of a mountain, overlooking the valley in which Kain's city stood. It's desolation, its lack of life, disgusted her... She turned towards the setting sun.
"Sunset..." In the far distance, there remained plant life... She could see great forests, it's green standing in sharp contrast to the valley from which she had just left. Kain thought of her as nothing but a powerful warleader, but then again, he didn't really know her. He had read some texts on her, they spoke of legend... HA! She herself had taken the time to read them, and she was surprised at how Kain still managed to trust her. Kain knew her secret, of what had happened after she had won the battle for the rebels...
The troops cheered her on, as she road on horse towards their final goal... The castle of the Imperial army, in which their leader had been cornered into the thrown room. All around her, lay the dead bodies of those unlucky citizens who had been living here when her troops had invaded the city. She took no prisoners, she saw all those who stood in her way as targets. She paused for a moment, staring at the dead body of child on the side of the road.
"Tifa?"
Behind her road Maximus, the leader of the rebel army... He allowed her to ride ahead, only to show to the troops his respect for her. Although, in reality he didn't care, he was a man who wanted power. He had no respect for any but himself. Tifa hated him, and his self-inflating ego. But soon, she told herself, soon she would rid the world of him.
"Oh, sorry, we should get going to the Imperial's castle now, shouldn't we?"
"Yes, the victory we have waited for is at hand. Let us ride there, now."
Tifa gave her horse a sharp kick, and it began sprinting towards the castle. The ride was a mere 5 minutes from the outskirts of the city towards the center. She led her horse up the steps, and into the throne room, with Maximus right behind her. She saw the King being held at his thrown by the swords of her elite guard.
"Greetings King Forin, leader of all the free people of the world... It is such a great honor to meet you."
Her sarcasm was not lost on Forin.
"You wench! I have no wish to listen to your foul mouth, kill me now! Leave me what little honor I have left!"
"Ah ah ah! But first, I have a little presentation I wish you too see! Attention all soldiers of the rebel army! You fight for the ideals of the new world, do you not?"
All of the soldiers nod their heads in agreement.
"The obstacle to these ideals was Forin, King of the imperialists. King of the oldtypes, those who didn't look towards the future, but towards the primitive lifestyles of the past. But now, I tell you that there is another, even more dangerous obstacle in this room. He is none other, than your leader, Maximus!"
Various gasps of surprise spring from the soldiers surrounding the room. Tifa was their great heroine, how could she be a traitor to their even greater leader?! None could move. Tifa whipped out her sword, brining it to within an inch of Maximus's neck.
"Surrender to me now, Maximus, or I'll have your head as a bedpost... or, something..."
"You foolish woman, did you truely think I didn't expect this betrayal? GUARDS!"
Suddenly, two arrows fly from the rafters, both aimed at Tifa. She dodges the first, which impales Maximus in the stomach. The second, she deflects with a sweep of her sword. Maximus is now on his knees, in a puddle of his own blood. But before Tifa can strike at him, the elite guardsmen have surrounded her. They quickly disarm her, and drag her away as the medics come to the aid of their leader... But it is already too late.
A new leader had emerged, Maximus had already pre-appointed his successor as his most trusted advisor, Domon. He had great loyalty towards his former leader, and devised the most fitting punishment for Tifa he could think of. Death? No, that would be a kindness. He had her starved for 3 days. Then, on what had been the hour of his leader's death, he had her locked into eternal punishment. At sunset, she was placed into a permament state of frozen hibernation...
Tifa looked at the sunset, with an almost melancholy look on her face. Yes, the texts had spoke of her betrayal... But not of her motives... Yes, was why Kain hadn't destroyed her, he still didn't know the reason behind her betrayal. But that's not what he was interested in, he wanted someone who would strike fear into the enemey, someone who could fight as well as she could talk. But, despite Kain's coldness, and his bloody narrow mind, she couldn't help but admire him for some reason. No, she wouldn't repeat the mistakes of her past. She had an oppurtunity to affect mankind as whole, and steer it's course. Taking one last look at the horizon, which was now filled with stars, she turned back towards the city, and took leave of the mountain top.
In space, the battle raged on. Both sides had taken heavy losses, approximately 25% of their respective forces. But both sides continued the battle... Hell, some of them were even enjoying it. Case in point? Transmetal.
"YEAAAAAA!!!"
Transmetal's minor ship aimed at an enemy fighter, missing it by a good several meters. However, several stray blasts from a neighboring fighter hit it instead.
"Boo yea! Direct hit, by me! yea yea yea!!! Hey, what the hell?! OOF!"
Transmetal crashes directly into the space cruiser mentioned earlier.
"Damnit... Er... Main screen turn on!"
BarbieBoy continues sitting on the tolliet seat, contemplating his fate, when suddenly a light appears. Turning in surprise, he sees Transmetal's face on the mirror.
"Hellooooooo? Anybody there?"
"Greetings! I am the one called BarbieBoy! How may I be of annoyance?"
"Ummm, never mind."
The transmission ends, and Transmetal's ship discreetly pushes BarbieBoy's ship towards the earth. He watches it as it enters the atmosphere, and heads on a crash course towards Kain's castle.
"Heheheh... Oh! More fighters to destroy! Oh goodie!!!"
Kain looks up as Tifa enters the war room.
"You're late."
"I know, I know... It couldn't be helped, your Peasents have the most pitiful forms of transportation."
"Regardless, the time nears."
Both Tifa and Kain look over towards the radar. The incoming objects now fill the entire screen on medium magnification.
"They are well within the Solar System by now!"
"Yes Tifa, and we have less than 72 hours till it arrives. It's time to take action..."