(Insert Name Here)

It all began on a stormy night... No wait... It didn't. I remember now. Because of the human race’s failure to recognize the condition their constant reproduction was putting the world in, the world’s resources were basically all used up. Billions of people were killed off in an instant. Of the survivors, only 300 people were spared (the rest were used as building material). The people split up evenly between Kain’s New Age Earth, Dark World, and Transmetal’s space colony, The Container. Beyond this point, stuff happened. Just... Stuff... Things exploded, people attempted Matrix style stunts. But they pretty much all came around and ended up coming back to square one. Once again, after three episodes of STUFF, we once again have the line drawn between the planet Earth and the one-man colony Bingo. After revaluating his strategy however, Transmetal decided to build a larger colony. Similarly, after revaluating his strategy, Kain decided to continue sitting down and playing X Box. Thus, we are staged for an action packed epic. Let's see what they are doing right now...

"Once an editor,

Had a colony,

And Bingo was its name oh!

B! I! N G O!

B! I! N G O!

B! I! N G O!

And we would like our Mc. Donald's To Go"

"Stop! Take 5..." Taking this opportunity like it was the first time they had ever set foot outside of the building (which it was), the BINGO Test Tube Baby Chorus ran outside. They attempted to cross a nearby street, in which they were quickly run over by speeding traffic. Several cars attempted to avoid this fate (these lucky few ended up crashing into store display windows, on either side of the downtown plaza). But one oddly green colored car took an almost visible pride in the slaughter. This particular car came to a screeching halt, backed up over the inert bodies, and proceeded to run over them again. After 5 minutes of this, the car decided to move on, like it had business elsewhere. But who could have done such an unspeakable act? Everybody looks on as the car hits pedestrians along its horrific exit.

In space, a single white, rectangular, object flies by the screen.

It was raining. It wasn't just raining, it was raining really hard. It quite accurately reflected the mood of Transmetal, who was lounging about in his recliner chair. His accomplishments ranged far and wide. Building the first space colony, which had been promptly shot down, was fun. Growing armies of test tube babies, which had been promptly shot down and were now floating in space, had been fun. With these facts in order, it can be confidently said that Transmetal was quite wrong. After taking 5 minutes to digest this fact, he began to think that perhaps he shouldn't think, knowing that it wasn't his strongest suite. Instead he thought. First of all, how undoubtedly the fact that it shouldn't be raining, as he was currently in a space colony, which supported only artificial weather patterns. Rain, he thought, was something he should remember to not program next time. There would certainly be a next time, he thought, he just had to wait for his colony to get shot down. Yes. That was it. He was eagerly awaiting his colony to be shot down. The thought of disintegrating in the vacuum of space hadn't crossed his mind yet. For Transmetal was a noble editor, with pride in... um... well... Perhaps he would remember whatever it was later. The rain continued to fall. He briefly considered bringing himself, and his chair, inside, but quickly dismissed the thought. It was at this point that a low rumble could be heard over the horizon. Transmetal wasn't quite sure why he thought it was over the horizon, and lowered his opaquely black sunglasses to see. It was a green car.

"Oh shit..."

In space, a single white, rectangular, object continues flying across the screen.

At first, Mother Nature thought it beautiful. The rain poured forth from the sky like water from a Pure-Brita tap filter. That is, to say, it came out rather slowly. But water was the source of life, and it made her happy. But then, a man came running over the horizon. This was undeniably a disgrace, she thought, as the human proceeded to run over several newly grown flowers. She would take care of this little problem quickly...

"SCREECH!!!" A green car came flying over horizon. The car had just hit a hill, and launched off it at an insanely inconsiderable rate. The car appeared to be trying to run over the human, which was still running over her flowers. This was fine in her book, except that is, until the car tore up a patch of weeds. They had been living, until the car had driven over them!!! How despicable. Well, it would be easy to take care of...

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" Transmetal came screaming over the hill, followed closely by a green sport car. The car was accelerating; it was a miracle that Transmetal hadn't been run over just yet. The car was just within an inch of Transmetal's behind... This was just as the driver had intended, have his prey think they would make the escape, then go in for the kill. But at the last second, Transmetal made a 180-degree spin jump onto the windshield.

"WHA?! DAMNIT YOU IDIOT!!! I CAN'T SEE!!!!" Screamed the driver.

"That's the point dumbaahhHHHHHH!!!!" The car came to a sudden halt, throwing Transmetal off of the hood and onto the ground.

All this and more was being viewed on the BINGO colony security cameras. The security in the BINGO colony was the best of the best. Every molecule, every atom, every particle is indexed and cross-indexed in the BINGO security files. If any particle or molecule is misplaced, the security team is put on alert. The alert levels go like this, using Mrs. Johnson's cat as an example case.

• 5 - Mrs. Johnson's cat is missing
• 4 - Mrs. Johnson's cat has just eaten the newspaper
• 3 - Mrs. Johnson's cat is molesting test tube children again
• 2 - Mrs. Johnson's cat has just claimed sovereign leadership over the colony
• 1 - We are currently being disintegrated by a large energy beam, which is in the possesion of Mrs. Johnson's cat; please call back later.

Picking up these disturbing events was camera #rx78gp02a, whose images were being relayed to the local security office. From the office, these images were sent to the security guards. Once it reached them, it would be filed into an answering machine. Assuming that the guards would ever check their answering machines, the violation would then be stored in a file cabinet for future reference. Later the janitor, finding the placement of the file cabinet in the middle of the room to be rather untactful, would then store it in the basement. There the cabinet would, over time, successfully be buried under a pile of dust. Suffice it is to say, people got away with a lot of weird stuff.

In space, a single white, rectangular, object continues flying across the screen. As the camera zooms onto the object, it is discovered that it's a 3 1/2 floppy diskette. The diskette ever so discreetly slows itself down as it approaches a gas station...

Transmetal picked himself off the ground. He hadn't quite expected that anything would happen today. Least of all, actually doing any physical activity. But, he thought to himself, he was still in the best physical condition of anyone on this colony. Outrunning a sports car for several miles was no problem. At this thought, Transmetal promptly collapses in exhaustion. The car door opens, and out steps a man. Well... We can't quite tell if it's a man or not. His face is conveniently covered by a shadow.

"Fool... You thought you could outrun my car! Ha! It is powered by a V9000 engine with 2000 cylinders! You never had a chance!"

It is said that when a person taunts another person, he is tempting fate. Well, maybe it isn't. But of all the improbable things that could have happened, the man's car randomly, and complete unexplainably, explodes.

"Yes!!! You feel the wrath of my car! It is invincible! Feel the heat from its engine... feel the heat... heat?" The man turns around and sees the wreckage of the car. "NOOOOOOOO!!!" A man of lesser compulsion would have taken the time to check their car before creating such melodramatic statements. As the car had not only exploded, but it had incinerated as well. Anyone who hadn't expected the car to be there would have only noticed the nicely built teepee style firewood. But most unexplainable of all, was the luminous being which had come into being, being a luminous being and all, and was currently being a shock to the driver and the deliourious Transmetal.

"Er... hi... Do I know you?" Asked Transmetal, what else was there to say in such a situation?

"Greetings. I'm Mother Nature. All your base are belong to us." Said the luminous figure.

"..."

In space, a single white, rectangular, object continues refueling in a gas station. Once the object has had its fill, it discreetly places its credit card into the machine. The object attempts to pull its credit card out after payment, but is unsuccessful. In frustration, the object leaves the credit card in the slot and walks away. The object promptly trips, and is caught up in a wave of intergalactic trash. But I digress...

Part 2 of 2
Coming... Eventually...

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