(Insert Name Here)Wars
--Episode 3--
Revenge Is Sweet, But Pudding Is Sweeter... or Something Like That Written by: Kain
Because of the human race’s failure to recognize the condition their constant reproduction was putting the world in, the world’s resources were all but depleted. Billions of people were killed off in an instant. Only 300 people were spared. The people split up evenly between Kain’s New Age Earth, Dark World, and Transmetal’s space colony, The Container. As Kain grows older (but not more mature), he becomes very hostile towards The Container. When Kain can no longer find any other reason not to make a gigantic beam cannon, he has his minions construct one. He sends out a blast meant to destroy The Container... but ends up hitting his TV satellite. The second shot blew The Container and all its inhabitants into dust and a lot of other stuff. Kain was in the best mood of the past five minutes, but the celebration was a bit premature. For unbeknownst to Kain, but beknownst to us, Transmetal survived. Wanting revenge, Transmetal made his return to Dark World only to be beat by Kain in a one-on-one match up... that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it. Before Kain could get rid of Transmetal for good, his Dark Council declared they were on strike... thanks to Transmetal. And now, we join our dark villain as he does whatever he does...
Kain stands at his window, looking down upon his striking council. I said striking not streaking. He scans the crowd of civilians to see and take down the names of the council’s supporters (which would be a lot easier if he new their names). “Let’s see here, I’ll call him Bob and him Joe... now which one did I call Mike?” Suddenly, Kain’s eyes fixate on a man dressed in a white lab coat, which is odd because everyone else is clad in black. The civilians look like Goths, the Army Corps has overly heavy iron armor, and the council is in black robes. Kain tries to make out who this odd person is. It suddenly becomes clear to Kain. The only man that would ever where white to a gathering of this sort is... dun dun dun... Transmetal! Kain readies himself to make a dramatic leap from the window down to the platform below. Then, realizing he is on the 10th floor, he decides to take the dumb waiter down to the first floor and use the door (or at least the big gaping hole where the door once was). Kain is now standing on the platform in front of all his followers. Kain speaks. “If you all don’t go back to work, you’re all going to be fired.” The council still resists Kain’s demands. “Well, if that’s how you feel, you’re all... ”
“WAIT!! We’ll go back to work! The pay may suck, but the benefits are great.” Kain, surprised at how easily that was done, turns his attention to Transmetal. Kain motions for the crowd to part. The crowd scurries in every which way. Kain curses to himself about the lack of discipline in the civilians. Finally, Transmetal is seen playing the Gameboy Advance with no one else around him. Suddenly self aware to his predicament, Transmetal yells out, “Look a PS2!” Kain turns in anger of one of his followers using the PS2 without permission. Then he realizes that the PS2 was never in his collection. He turns to Transmetal, but Transmetal is gone. Kain curses to himself once more.
Kain, now back at his throne room, demands to see his slave, Barbie Boy. “You helped Transmetal escape, didn’t you?”
“Yessir, I did. I like penguins.” Kain ponders about the idiot in front of him.
“Of course, you must be punished. Not just for this, but also for the the soldiers you turned into little green men.”
“That was an accident... and besides they were more of a teal.”
“Your punishment shall be as follows... I will download your brain onto a 3½” floppy disk. I will then send it flying through space, hopefully, never to be seen again.”
“COOL!”
“So it is written, so it shall be done.” And with that, Kain fulfills the punishment. Kain then goes in search of a new slave.
Meanwhile, at his now destroyed invincible base, Transmetal decides that a return to space is in order. He packs up his Gundam models and Transformer tapes and heads out to the reaches beyond to finish his plan of revenge. Transmetal runs out of fuel at around the moon so he decides to set up camp there. Transmetal starts his construction of a new one-man space colony, Bingo. Transmetal has decided to turn the moon into this new colony. Transmetal knows Kain will be searching for him, so he must hurry. In a year or so, Kain might think about the fact that Transmetal could be in space.
Back on Dark World, Kain is startled by a rather disturbing observation. In his intergalactic radar of doom and darkness, Kain has spotted a rather large object, quite possibly a starship, and only 700 light years away. Kain is puzzled by this development. “Who could possibly have that much power? Arr... I’ll deal with this later. I have more important work to do.” With this, Kain begins his search for Transmetal. Well, right now he’s just looking in his new book, “Where’s Transmetal?” by the makers of “Where’s Waldo?”. Frustrated by the fact that he can’t find Transmetal (even though he’s the only thing on the page), Kain tries to find a new slave to replace Barbie Boy. Upon looking at his options, Kain decides that Cheesy Boy would be best. With that out of the way, Kain goes to sleep... standing up... with his eyes open... muttering to himself.
Transmetal is almost completed the new colony, Bingo. Its construction has taken a whole of four hours... as I’ve said before, don’t question, just smile and nod. As he sits in the cockpit, he begins to think about the weapon he will mount on this chrome beast. “Should it be a beam cannon, a taco cannon, or should it be a weed dispenser?” Transmetal must ponder this later. First, the construction of the main base must be completed.
Kain stands alert and awake. Cheesy Boy stands somewhere in the room, not so alert and not awake. One of the Army Corps Privates has come for an audience before Kain. Kain grudgingly accepts. “Sir, we have information that says that Transmetal is building a base out of the moon!”
“I know.”
“You know? But how?”
“I read this episode before.”
“... oh.”
And with that, Kain goes back to playing God. He has decided to create a race of super intelligent egomaniacs. Then he loses interest and decides to see how Biosoldier is doing. “Wait, I don’t care... nevermind.”
Transmetal has finished construction of the moon base, Bingo (a lot of inconsistencies in this episode, eh?). He fits a gigantic, over-sized dart launcher on the front of it. He is finally ready to combat Kain! But, what’s this? A single-floating disk can be seen entering Transmetal’s base...
To be continued?
You're Damn Right it Will!
You're Damn Right it Will!