It all began on a stormy night... No wait... It didn't. It was really just raining. Transmetal was lounging about, almost got killed by a car, met Mother Nature, and that's pretty much where it ended. Oh yea, we also saw a diskette running across the screen. All of this happens, just because only 300 people survived a worldly disaster, of which they split up evenly between Kain’s New Age Earth, Dark World, and Transmetal’s space colony, The Container. So now we conclude with part 2 of Renaissance of Bad Ideas

The hall was magnificent. A distinct blend of gothic and modern (one and the same in this case) architecture, gave the room and homely, yet woefully archaic feeling. The room was lit by hundreds of pure diamond chandeliers, whose light made the room radiate with extravagance. The windows were stained glass, pictures of holiness, conquest, love. They would have brought a tear to an artist's eyes, to see such images. The floor was made of high quality wood, giving a shining reflection of the light from above. Inside the room was a long table, with enough places for thousands of people to eat at. It too, was made of only the finest material. But of all these things, only one truly mattered. The food was gone... It almost looked like someone had eaten it. Kain studied his feast table very closely, noticing every crumb, every spec of food that had been scattered across the table.

"The price for such treachery is high", thought Kain "I will search out for the perpetrator at once." Kain takes a piece of food, sniffs it. A long time ago, he had held a celebration in this room. The destruction of the "Container" had been a glorious triumph, and had deserved only the greatest feast imaginable. Slight technicality though, the only person who got to eat was Kain. The rest were allowed to sit, look at the food, and perhaps have some pudding. Knowing Kain, it is understandable that he would eat his fill, leave the rest there and forget to clean up. Actually, even knowing Kain, that makes no sense. But either way, the food stayed there, somehow staying fresh after being in the room for several months. Kain is still sniffing the food when he remembers the scent... There is only one thing it could mean...

"Cook! Prepare some more of that steak stuff! I'm hungry!"

"Yes my lord, but may I suggest that you kill whomever ate your last feast first?"

"Oh yes, I was just coming to that." Kain takes out his magnifying glass, and begins searching the table. He combs his way through the meat, dairy, and vegetable isles of the table, until he comes to a large white blotch. Confused at what could possibly be in the way of the glass, he looks at the table. There, written in poor English, is the following letter:

Dear Kain,

     After coming to your house, I found myself to be rather hungry. Knowing that you absolutely hate other people eating your food, I decided to take it upon myself to eat the leftovers.

          Sincerely,

            Biosoldier

P.S. Oh yea, I deleted your X Box saves and copied them onto a memory card, which I currently have in my possession and am running away with.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! BIOSODIER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Good heaven... er... I mean... Good hell sir! What shall we do?" The cook himself is quite perturbed at these events. Since the food was eaten, he would actually have to cook some new food later on.

"We shall track him down at once! Assemble the DARK COUNCIL!"

In space, a single white rectangular object flies around in seemingly random circles. The object stops to take a bite at Mc.Donalds, but is promptly taken into custody. The officials cite evidence from "previous visits" there as the cause of the arrest.

Several hours later, the DARK HALL is filled with Kain's most trusted officers. He doesn't really trust them though, he just felt like having a group of people who were too scared to touch his X Box during a meeting. And there were a lot of them. The room itself wasn't that large. It was about the size of a Babbage's store, and had just as many funky un-opened electronics lying around. To add some atmosphere, Kain had spent the entire evening taking out the electrical wiring. Actually, he had had Cheesy Boy do it at first, but the first thing Cheesy Boy did was touch the 1,000,000 voltage/ampage super electrical socket. So he did it himself. Now the room was lit with only a couple of cheap Fischer Price Flashlights, and Kain's disturbingly glowing eyes. Kain's officers all waited patiently, they really didn't have much else to do, considering it was 2 in the morning.

"Attention Dark Council!" Kain began "Today, I have discovered a most disturbing event!" At this point, the "applause" sign kicks in, as Kain had used the template to cover up the emergency lights. Everybody claps. This meeting was off to a bad start, thought Kain.

"I have discovered the feast table, TO BE EMPTY!!! Does anyone know how this happened?"

"Um, I had a little bit right after the meal!" Pronounces one.

"Yea, I had a little last night!" Offers another.

"Actually, I tend to eat there on weeknights." Says another.

"FOOLS!!! All those who ate from my feast, step forward!!!" Everyone simultaneously attempts to step forward, causing everybody to trip and fall on their faces. The flashlights get covered up by the bodies, which cause even more confusion. Expecting something like this, Kain puts on his infrared glasses, and notices that one person didn't step forward. The person was wearing what looked like a white lab co...

"TRANSMETAL?!" Screams Kain. This further confuses the group, which stampedes over Kain.

In space, a small white rectangular object walks out of the police station, leaving a pile of inert bodies. The object almost appears to smile, before jumping into one of the officer's car and taking off.

"So now we're at war with mother nature..."

"No.. YOU are. I have no involvement in this."

"Yea. Except the whole car thing."

"So I ran over a bunch of test tube babies, who's going to know?" At this point, both Transmetal and the green person were hiding under a steel crate. The green person had been attempting to run over him in his car, which had exploded. Apparently Mother Nature wanted to make a stake in the colony, and was now making potshots with lightning, in a vain attempt to hit them.

"It's a good thing you have this large metallic crate lying in the middle of the forest. Under here, there's no way the lightning can get to us."

"Ya, I always plan ahead. I had known that Mother Nature was going to make her move sometime, I just had to be ready." Quite simply, Transmetal's ego can get the best of his stupidity sometimes.

"So what are we going to do now?"

"I don't know, what do you think Transmetal?"

"I think that... Heh, when did a third person come under here with us?" Transmetal fumbles for a Flashlight. Remembering that Kain had purchased out all of the Fischer Price Flashlights, back when they had been storing up supplies, he reaches for a packet of matches. He quickly lights the grass, on which they had been sitting, on fire.

"Alright, I can see now."

"Heh, you did notice that it was never dark in the first place right? We really didn't need the light." The green person's shirt is on fire now, but he takes no notice.

"Yea, that's kinda wierd." Transmetal's shirt is a crisp black.

"All Your Base Are Belong to Us."

"I was just about to say that." Both Transmetal and green person are flaming balls of fire.

"You Know What You Doing?"

"That's funny, I could've sworn I've heard that from a videogame before." By this point, the entire area surrounding the metal box is covered in flames.

"For Great Justice!"

"Wha?" Suddenly, the box explodes. Transmetal and the green person are thrown onto the ground, several kilometers away. After several minutes of reeling in pain and confusion, they noticed that their clothing had been burnt off. After an interesting venture into the nearest clothes shop (Victoria's Secrets), they came back ready to fight.

"You! I will never forgive you for what you have done!" Both Transmetal and the green person assume fighting positions.

"I give you this one chance! Our power levels are a bazillion trillion times more powerful than yours, so don't think we'll go easy on you!" Mother Nature camly walks towards them.

"FOOL!!!!!! KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..." Both green person and Transmetal assume Kamehameha stances.

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..." Green person slowly inches away from Transmetal.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..." Green person presses a button which opens up a hatch in the colony floor.

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..." Green person jumps into the escape pod and slams on the eject button.

"HAAAaaa?!" Transmetal turns in time to be given the finger by green person, whose escape pod promptly launches away from the colony. Mother Nature continues standing there, giving an almost quizzical look towards Transmetal.

"Move ZIG?" Asks Mother Nature. Transmetal turns towards the luminous being.

"Ummm... Maybe later. After I get some real clothing on." Transmetal walks calmly back towards his house.

"..."

In space, a small white rectangular object continues it's quest through space. Coming upon an escape pod, the object decides to investigate. It enters into the pod, seeing an person with an oddly colored green jacket. The object quietly slips into the computer. It is at this point, that the reader realizes that this is a computer diskette. But not just any diskette... No... For on the screen... A familiar face appears. Could it be... BARBIE BOY?!

"TRANSMETAL!!!" Exclaims Kain. His surprise is only surpassed by his embarrassment at his Dark Council's incompetence at allowing Transmetal in.

"Not really my lord. I'm actual the janitor. I just wanted to tell you that I have fixed the lights." The janitor turns and flips on the light switch. The light pours fourth, blinding the Dark Council. Their first reaction is one of surprise, but soon they begin to scream in pain. Their screams, in turn, rupture each other's eardrums. Between the two said stressors, all of the council is dead in less than 45 seconds.

"Well, that's just great. You just killed the entire council, what now?"

"Well my lord, I just wanted to state that Biosoldier also stole our space shuttle, and was headed towards the moon."

"WHAT?! When did we have a space shuttle in the first place?" The janitor shrugs, bows, and turns to leave, all in one motion. Kain looks around at all the bodies, complains about the mess, then goes back to playing X Box.

To Be Continued?
Obviously... Duh!

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