In Space, millions upon millions of groups of matter fly around, in seemingly random patterns. Some of these groups of matter can even be classified, named as Planets, Stars, and others. Some of these planets hold within themselves, the rare event called a "life form".

A life form is a form of matter capable of concious decisions and actions. The planet we will be focusing on, is not unlike our own. From afar, it is a strange combination of green, white, and blue colors. Upon closer inspection, you find thousands upon millions of these life forms living out their daily lives. This planet, named Earth, is almost an exact replica of our own planet, named Earth... Heh... Wait a sec....

Although there are many intracacies we could explore, for today we will focus on the concept of "evolution". According to this concept, species slowly adapt to their enviorment. But as it evolves, sometimes the path forks in two. That is, to say that two different evolved versions of the original will appear. Presumably, this is how the two species of chimp and human came about. Or not. Screw this, lets just go on with the story.

It suddenly becomes really dark near the principal's open doorway. A darkness so absolute, that you're eyes just sorta glaze over it. That is, until you heard it's voice...

"Fools! Bow before your master, I ..."

Complete silence ensues. The darkness notices the principal tied up in the corner; tied in banana peels. In front of him, two chimps stare blankly.

"Ah hell, I've always wanted to screw around with the intercom..."

Outside, Transmetal has been led into the "Banana of Evil". Suddenly, some wierd garage punk band starts playing. Smoke pours forth into the vehicle. Transmetal coughs violently, but then... From the smoke a familiar shape appears.

"What?! I know you! You're..."

"God, you may address me as God."

The smoke dissipates. Standing in front of him, sits a 4ft tall man wearing an oversized yellow cape.

"No, not quite, BarbieBoy. Ya know, Cheesy Boy isn't going to be too happy when he finds that you left him out of this escapade. He was really looking forward to it."

"Well, he can just wallow in self pity. I control an entire army now!"

"Of Chimps..."

"Granted, yes."

"Hey, you know I'm gonna have to try and stop you..."

"I assumed so, yes."

"Ok, just give me a moment please."

Transmetal takes off the backpack he's wearing, and begins rummaging through its contents. After several minutes of rummaging through multi-colored rubber duckies, he comes across a small rock. He picks it up, and throws it at BarbieBoy.

"Aha! I have now been poisoned by a prototype rock-poisoner thingy!"

"Wha?! Nooooo!!!"

As BarbieBoy cries out, Transmetal quickly unpeels the banana covering, and dashed towards his car. He dodges the hundreds of bananas being shot at him, weaving left and right. Once in the parking lot, he leaps into his car. He puts the key into the ignition, but the engine doesn't start.

"Son of a... Oh, wait. This isn't my car."

Transmetal does a spectacular flip into the next car. He quickly puts the key in the ignition. This time he has the right car. The engine starts. Transmetal slams down on the gas, and drives down the 25mph zone at an incredible 112mph.

Biosoldier yells out a swear. He has a short span of patience, and CheesyBoy's obstinate refusal to move is enough to tire even a well manered person. Some guy with a deep voice had screamed out some giberish over the intercom, at which all the monkeys left the room.

"Come on CheesyBoy! We need to get back my C4 from Transmetal! I WANT MY C4 BACK!!!"

Biosoldier goes into a fit, shaking his fist towards the ceiling.

"No, I'm playing my GBA. Go away."

"Fine. I'll do it myself. And put on some pants damnit, you're in public!"

"No."

Biosoldier walks off in disgust. Everyone else in the class had already jumped out the window, in an attempt to escape. Looking outside, it appeared as if those who hadn't been knocked unconciense from the fall, had been run over by cars while trying to cross the freeway.

"Where do you think you're going, human?"

In front of Biosoldier, stands one of the CFFAR chimps, with a banana pointed right at him.

"Ohhhhhhh... er... Just going back to the classroom... Hey, didn't you guys just leave?"

"No, some idiot was playing with the intercom. He accidently told us to return to base, in Chimpeeze. The offender is being delt with..."

Suddenly, the painful screams of chimps echo down the hallway.

"Hmmm... Excuse me for a moment..."

The chimp talks down the hallway, leaving Biosoldier unnattended. He quickly takes advantage of the situation, whipping out his cell phone. He dials a number...

"Hello, operator speaking."

"Oh... Wrong number..."

Biosoldier dials again.

"Yes, Jabox4 speaking."

"Hey, do you know where Transmetal is? He took off with my C4..."

"All the better..."

"Curse you!!!! Can't you just tell me where he is?!"

"He's over here, at my place."

"Fine, whatever. Ask him what he did with my C4."

"..."

"Well?"

"He says he left the backpack in some "Banana of Evil"..."

"Hmmm... It's as good a place as any... But I need a remote detonator. You would happen to have one on you?"

"I can send Transmetal over to you with it, assuming there aren't any snipers outside the building."

"No, don't wor..."

Biosoldier's statement is but short when he hears a loud squack. Looking out a window, he sees the dead body of... somebody...

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing. No problem here... heheheheh..."

As Jabox4 and Biosoldier continue talking over the cell phone, what little plot remains... thickens... In order to obtain their goal for respect and freedom, the CFFAR took over the school as a way of blackmailing the government. At this very moment, the leader of CFFAR, BarbieBoy, attempts to negotiate with Secretary of Defense, Colin Powell.

"No, seriously. I can assure you that... What? Of course it's a real state! Wait! Don't hang up! Awwwwww..."

BarbieBoy stares at the phone in frustration for a few minutes. He tries to think of something rather evil and painful he could do to it, but he settles for bashing it with a bat. It is at this point that one of his aides enters the room.

"What happened sir? Did the secretary agree to your terms?"

BarbieBoy pauses his bashing.

"No! He claims to not have known about a state named Vermont; and when I asked him if he could name all 50 states from memory, he mumbled something about "fuzzy math" and hung up!"

He resumes bashing the phone for a moment, then looks back at the aide.

To put it simply, our objectives cannot be met and the mission is a failure. I'm going to activate the self destruct sequence. Tell your comrades to evacuate the premise."

"But, we don't have a self destruct on the Banana!"

"Oh, well..."

BarbieBoy rumages through the backpack Transmetal had left.

"Hmmmmm... These rubber duckies will do fine, rig 'em up!"

Just as he gives the order, Transmetal is preparing to leave Jabox4's undisclosed fortress. Suddenly, a question occurs to him.

"Say, Jabox4? Just how much C4 did Biosoldier have in that backpack?"

"Huh? Oh, I belive he had the equivalant of... hmmm... probably several tons of TNT in there."

"Ummm..."

"And they're in the shape of rubber duckies, I belive."

"Isn't it possible that we may NOT want to detonate that much C4? I'm not too thrilled about the idea of killings lots of innocents... Oh, wait, maybe I am. How silly of me!"

Transmetal begins skipping out the door, but promptly trips and falls, breaking the detonator in his hands. Jabox4 rolls his eyes.

"Oops."

As Transmetal gets back up, and leaves the room, Jabox4 notices that Transmetal had left the keys to his car, lying on the desk!

"Heheheheh..."

The darkness was not pleased. Being as evil as he was, he expected at least a decent amount of respect from all other beings in his presence; that includes the writer of this story. However, all he had only taken part in a brief camoe at the begining of the story. It was time for revenge!

"It's time for revenge!"

The darkness cried out in a deep voice that caused the entire school to shudder. As a matter of fact, the building continued to shake for a good 5 minutes later, by which time all the students and chimps had evacuated the school grounds, except for one lone, overgrown midget. This particular midget happened to be walking towards the darkness.

"It is good fortune that you should come into my presence."

The darkness spoke as if he was BarbieBoy's superior!

"Yes master..."

"All has gone according to plan. Come, we shall confront Transmetal."

"As you will it, master..."

The two begin walking towards the back entrance, opposite of the direction through which Transmetal had just entered the building.

"Aha! I have found you at last, BarbieBoy!"

Transmetal points his toy lightsabre towards the former Chimp leader.

"I challenge you to a duel... er... Kain?! Is that you?!"

The darkness, now revealed to be Kain, turns to face Transmetal.

"Yes, it is I... NOW WHERE ARE THOSE REVIEWS I TOLD YOU TO POST ON THE SITE?!"

"Er..."

Suddenly, the Banana explodes. Biosoldier is seen running towards the flames, and falls to his knees. He begins to weep profusely over not being the one to detonate the C4. After staring for a moment, Transmetal turns back to answer Kain.

"So that's what all this was about, the reviews I forgot to post?"

"Yes..."

"Well, they're on a diskette in my car... Oh, Oh no... I left the car... AND THE KEYS... AT JABOX4'S LAIR!!!!!!!!"

"YOU WHAT?! Quick! Into the 'Romanian Nobleman'!"

For those who don't have the pleasure of knowing what the 'Romanian Nobleman' is, it's Kain's car. Now, I don't recall what model it was, but I know that it's painted at least three different shades of blue (and one or two red). And it has little to know engine power, similar to Transmetal's.

After dragging Biosoldier's dead body into the car (We're still not too sure how he died), the group takes off at an impressive 30mph. Our story ends with a car chase down the interstate, with Jabox4 in the stolen car, and the rest of the staff either dead or in the Romanian Nobleman. Needless to say, the staff would spend the night in prison, after getting caught going under the speed limit.

This has to be the most pointless story I have ever written. No, it didn't take place over 23.4 hours. It actually all occured within two. I hope that all of you who read it, enjoyed it. If you didn't, then screw you. In either case, please go eat some pudding. Really. You'll thank me afterwards.

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