23.4
7am to 8am
"Is There A Plot?"
Written by: Transmetal*Camera flies through space, running into the occasional black hole*
In Space, millions upon millions of groups of matter fly around, in seemingly random patterns. Some of these groups of matter can even be classified, named as Planets, Stars, and others. Some of these planets hold within themselves, the rare event called a "life form".
*Camera rams into a passing space shuttle, continues onward*
A life form is a form of matter capable of concious decisions and actions. The planet we will be focusing on, is not unlike our own. From afar, it is a strange combination of green, white, and blue colors. Upon closer inspection, you find thousands upon millions of these life forms living out their daily lives. This planet, named Earth, is almost an exact replica of our own planet, named Earth... Heh... Wait a sec....
*Camera zooms onto planet's surface*
Here we see one of the "Humans", that is, the highly evolved primate on this planet. We will stay quiet, and attempt to capture his morning ritual on film....
*snoring is heard in the foreground*
BEEP!
BEEP!
BEEP!
"uggg... too early..."
BE...
*hand slams on "sleep" button*
<10 minutes later>
BEEP!
BEEP!
BEEP!
"ugg... I wanna sleep, damnit...."
BE...
*Hand slams on "sleep" button*
*10 minutes later*
BEEP!
BEEP!
BEEP!
"uggg... I wanna sleep, da..."
The formerly sleeping primate opens his eye, in an attempt to check the time on the LCD alarm clock. Coming to the realization at what time it is....
"OH SHIT!!! IT'S 7:00 ALREADY?!"
The human jumps out of his bed. He flips on the light switch, at which time he notices a camera crew standing in the middle of his room. An embarressed silence ensues, during which the human notices that he has nothing but his undies on.. The camera man is first to speak.
"Er... Hi, we were just wondering around... You wouldn't happen to know which way the bus stations is, would you?"
Dead silence, again. The human clears his throat, and suggests;
"How about we forget this ever happened, and continue with the story?"
"Yea, sounds good." Replies the camera mean, appearing completely unfazed.
Instantly, the camera swings into a dark room. Slowly, a horizontal crack of light appears. It appears as if a garage door is opening which, coincidently, it is. Once the camera adjusts to the brightness, we see a car. A crappy car, with absolutly no wheel, and no seats. But, wait a minute, we're in the wrong garage.
The camera then zooms to the house next door, we see Transmetal jumping into his car.
"Oh shit, I'm going to be late, I'm going to be late, I'm goin..."
"Trust your feelings, Transmetal" The ghostly voice echos disturbingly around the garage.
"Trust my feelings?"
"Slam this bitch into overdrive, Transmetal" The ghostly voice sounds disturbingly calm.
If the specter had known how long it had been since this car had been inspected, he would have realized the absurdity of this statement, and the improbility of this car ever reaching past the 30 mph mark.
"Er... Sure, why not?" Transmetal pulls the car out of the garage, and begins down the road.
"Kick this bitch into overdrive, Transmetal" The spectar taunts.
"Ok, look, if you can manage to somehow add a 2 or perhaps even a 3rd gear to the transmission, I'll gladly do so... But until then..."
"You suck, Transmetal"
"Yea? Well so do camera men dressed in white sheets who hide in the backs of cars. What the hell do you think you're doing?" Transmetal turns around and starts smacking the pile of white sheets in the back of his car.
"OWWW!!!! Ok, ok..." Admits the white sheet, of which the camera man hides under.
"That's better. Now, ever played Crazy Taxi?" Transmetal has a gleam of insanity in his eyes, the camera man now knows that it makes no difference how he answers... His fate will be the same...
"Er... yea..."
"You remember how the passengers jump out of the car?"
"Yea..."
"Well... Either you do it yourself... Or I do it for you..." The camera man obligingly jumps. Transmetal turns around to concentrate on his driving. Meanwhile, the camera man can be seen flying away via newly sprouted wings, before getting shot by a nearby duck hunter and falling into a conviently placed mattress.
*begin interlude*
Darkness surrounds, binds and holds itself. This location, this presence, is the pure definition of darkness. Near this presence, it becomes an almost tangible awareness. Within this presence, deep thoughts course within and without. They plan everthing, from the planet's demise to today's lunch. This is all a sensory experience, but for your sight, all you can see is the darkness, and two red points of light. From within the dark presence comes a booming voice; "How did the agent fare this time..." In front of the presence, we can see a small man. In fact, he is a normal man, but compared to this awesome presence, he is nothing...
"ah.... sir.... er... Your lordship..." The man cannot help but tremble.
"You waste time with words... You're fired..."
"Er.... You're not going to kill me or anything?"
"Oh, yeah... Well, if you want me to..." The man's body is slowly lifted above the ground. His throat is constricted by some unknown force, and he defiantly gasps for breath.
"You just defiantly gasped for breath! Prepare... to... Oh , what was that word again? Ah, hell..." The man's eyes suddenly bulge out of their sockets, and his body explodes. Various appendages and organs burst out of the body, they land with a resounding splat in front of another man.
"YOU! Go and find how the agent fared..."
"Er... Sir? The agent was the guy you just wasted"
"BAH! Whatever... Send out another one... No, wait, I'll take care of this myself." As the man walks out of the room, we see the dead entrails of the agent. However, under one of the organs lies a white sheet. Hmmmm... Such wonderful foreshadowing... Its a wonder that...
"Shut up! Just end the damn interlude and get on with the story."
Well, fuck you! I can do whatever I damn well please! For example.
"My favorite color is pink, I like to wear purple skirts"
"GAH! HOW DID YOU?! WHY YOU! Grrrrr..."
Thats better...
*End interlude*
It's a class room. Nothing special. Its just an ordinary room, but within this room, unspeakable acts take place. Namely, the education of helpless children. The classroom is already filled, and the morning anouncements are playing. It's at this time that Transmetal decides to enter the room, looking like he just ran the 3k sprint, which he probably did for all we know. Nobody notices, as he always comes in late anyway. He carefully chooses a seat, the only open one that is, which was coincidentaly his assigned seat, which is...
"Heh, yo." Comes a voice from besides Transmetal.
"Heh, Biosoldier, sup?"
"Ah, I'm just starting that project, you know, the big semester final?"
"Oh yea, the one that was due yesterday?" Biosoldier glares at Transmetal.
"Yea... Well... I was busy with those... er... Remember those C4 packs I got over the internet?"
"Er... You don't have them with you do you?" Transmetal starts to sweat a profusely.
"Oh yea, I was going to show them to you guys and detonate them in the woods after school." Transmetal at this time begins figiting, being near Biosoldier with explosives is a bad thing. Biosoldier has this sort of, disorder you could say. If he sees a trigger, he gets a compulsion to press it. The best cure is to keep him away from them, but he's a demolitionist expert, so what can you do?
"Wan't me to show you?"
"NO!!! er... No, that's alright. By the way, where's Kain? I didn't see him in the hallway skipping class today."
"Yea, that is odd... Shadow mentioned something about a "secret mission", but we all know he's full of bullshit." Transmetal nods in response, then the teacher chimes in.
"HELLO CLASS! Today, we are going to have... FUN!!" Random grumbles, and obscenities echo around the room.
"WE are going to learn about... ADJECTIVES!!!!"
"We're in highschool bitch! Don't give us this adjective crap!" Someone shouts out from the back of the room. Gigglings echo ominously around.
"Notice anything odd?" Wispers Transmetal. The teacher is still lecturing the offender in the background.
"You mean the ominous echos? Yea. I'm thinking something might happen soon." Responds Biosoldier, in a hushed tone.
"Heh, have you ever considered doing anything for the Domain Kain website yet? I mean, you ARE on the staff and all..."
"Nah, right now I'm content with the random camoes and such."
"Ah..."
"ALRIGHT CHILDREN! MAY I CONTINUE?!" The teacher is now exasperated with her students, but this happens everyday, so don't concern yourself with it. The class continues on at this point, as it had before. But just outside of the classroom door, something isn't quite right. A darkness appears. A darkness so absolute, it can only be the presence of darkness itself. The red points of light, situated like eyes, look quickly into the classroom, then bolt away at the sound of an approaching human. It appears to be the vice - principal. The booming voice speaks;
"Fool... You have come into my presence as part of your fate, which I now control... Look at me... Loook..." The vice - principal's eyes suddenly become blood shot. Drool slides carefree from the corner of his mouth.
"Yes... My lord..." States the vice - principal in a monotonous tone.
"Now rise my servant, and do my bidding!"
"Yes Master! YES!!! The vice - principal suddenly starts running down the hallway, spreading his arms out like an airplane.
"ZOOM! ZOOM!" The vice - principal continues running down the hallway until he trips over his shoelace and falls flat on his face. At this point, he falls asleep for no apparent reason. The presence gives out a sigh of irritation, then moves into the shadows, hiding until it's work could be completed...
Inside the classroom, the teacher continues to to write notes, although no one is paying any attention.
"This class REALLY sucks... Biosoldier? We need an out." Transmetal yawned, he was bored to say the least.
"You really want me to call Jabox4? We promised to only use him as a last resort..." Biosoldier at least understood the consequences of asking for Jabox4's help.
"Yea, we need it NOW." Relectutantly, Biosoldier pulls out his cell phone.
The room is dark, except for the light from various monitors and other computerized components. A guy in his mid teens with a disheveled hair style, sits in his roller chair. His monitor shows a very apparent "Restricted for Government Use Only" message, which he quickly skips past. He continues looking at some top secret millitary documents until his cell phone rings.
"Yes, Jabox4 speaking" He responds.
"Heh, Jabox4, its Biosoldier."
"Who?"
"Er... I mean... Oh, come on... You know..."
"Oh yea, you don't want to say your real name, why's that?"
"Why don't you say yours?"
"Confidentiality, I can't let the government know who's been hacking their mainframe."
"Yea? Well, I don't want the government to know who's been stealing their supply of C4. Fair game?"
"Right, so..."
"Heh, why aren't you in school today?"
"Oh, I must have forgot..."
"This will be like the twentieth absent day for you..."
"Doesn't matter, I'll just delete that data from the school's computer."
"Really? You can do that? Well, while you are at it, could you take a couple days off my absent list?"
"Sure." Jabox4 taps a hot key on his keyboard, adds several days to Biosoldier's absent list.
"By the way, we were hoping you could get us out of class."
"Who's 'we'?"
"Transmetal and I."
"Ok, are we going to take the fire drill route today? Or perhaps the parent phone call... Hello? Still there?"
"..."
"Hellooooo?"
"Never mind... Something just came up... I'll call back later." Biosoldier hangs up.
"huh?" Jabox4 shrugs, and goes back to reading the military documents...
Meanwhile, the classroom is frozen in shock. The teacher doesn't notice anything, and continues to write notes. Walking into the classroom are four men, each covered with masks, gloves, and armed with a banana.
"Alright! Hands up!" One of the masked men yells in a hoarse voice.
"Excuse me... er.. EEP!" The teacher turns around and sees the banana in the man's hand.
"If you would all stay seated with you face lying down on the desk..." One of the captors suggested. Everybody did so. Wispering to Biosoldier;
"Heh, why are we giving into a man with a banana?"
"I dunno... I personally LIKE bananas... Such a tasy fruit..." Biosoldier would have continued, but...
"You like bananas?" One of the captors had come over to us. Biosoldier was the first to respond.
"NO NO NO!!! Of course not... I'm scared to death... really? PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ME!!!" Transmetal on the other hand responds;
"Mmmm... Banana... That would hit the spot... er... what?!" The captor grabs Transmetal.
"Here, take your bag with you." The captor grab's Biosoldier's bag and hands it to Transmetal. Biosoldier begins to protest, but when the banana is lowered at his head, he shuts up. Transmetal is lead out of the door and down the hall. While he is walking, one of the captors speaks over the intercomm.
"Hello. I am sure all of you are wondering what is happenening. But first allow me to introduce myself. I am Proffessor E.Z. Chimp, representative of the CFFAR, Chimps For Freedom And Respect. We are holding your school hostage until our demands are met by the government. Until then, feel free to take a nap or two..." Transmetal finally ends up in the front court yard, where one of the terrorists greets him.
"Greetings fellow banana lover"
"Er... hi..."
"This way please." The captor leads him to a secured trailor. The trailor is yellow, shaped like a banana. Around the perimiter of it, several bananas, which acted suspiciously like security cameras, rotate to and fro. The captor the proceeds to unppeal the banana; "Sorry, but the automatic unppealer is broken. Out for repairs, you see." Once the banana was completely unppealed, Transmetal was lead inside. Then, the captor un-un-peeled the banana-like vehicle. It was a modest vehicle. It had ventilation. Although, he noted the fact that it didn't just look like a banana, this WAS a banana.
"We like to call this the Banana of evil. Of course, thats only because we couldn't think of a better name."
"Of course..."
"But that's beside the point. We want to invite you to the Banana Council"
"Ok, wait, give me a second..."
"Times up! Now, to help convince you to join our cause, here is our leader." Suddenly, some wierd garage punk band starts playing. Steam pours into the vehicle. Transmetal coughs violently, but then... From the smoke a familiar shape appears.
"What?! I know you!! You're..."
Who is the leader of the CFFAR?! What evil plans does the dark presence have? Will Jabox4 do anything besides hacking government computers? Will the story have anything resembling a plot? These questions and more... Next time on 23.4!