Sholpel
Written by: CheesyBoy
“This is perhaps the worst idea you have ever had for a story, Cheese.”
“Give it time Kain; I’ll come up with worse.”
“You just stuck us in a cave around a camp fire. What is funny, or interesting about that?”
“There is Sholpel.”
Is the day getting ya down?
Not having enough fun?
No more hobos to kill?
Well then don’t be afraid,
don’t be sad,
if you have enough pressure in your bladder,
and a warm place in your heart
The Sholpel will appear!
“Hiya guys. I’m Sholpel, the Giant fuzzy green talking Bear!”
“You gave him a theme song?”
“No, I changed it. You should of heard the original.”
“Let’s sing camp fire songs!”
“I hate you, Cheese. Why do you do this to me? Every humiliating situation, you stick us both in? Why me?!”
“While you complain, Transmetal would of said the following line: ‘Yeah, I love camp songs.’ It’s more a mercy to me than an overriding hate of you.”
“One tin soldier walked away...”
“He’s singing ‘One tin soldier’? I hate that song. Do you have a blunt object or crap?”
“Fuck that, it’s my story! I have a gun.”
“Tin... AAAHHHH!!! AHHHH!!! You shot me! What the heck a deck!”
“He’s even annoying hurt.”
“That was more satisfying then funny.”
“Maybe if I shoot him in the groin?”
“No objections here. The gun is fully loaded sans one bullet, here you go.”
“Sholpel’s mouth full of pennies. Sholpel’s chest hurt. Sholpel doesn’t like that your taking aim at Sholpel’s AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
“That was very satisfying.”
“Moderately funny.”
“Nice of know it’s on par with the rest of your work.”
“Your mother is going to be mad at you Kain for shooting out Sholpel’s crotch.”
“Why is that you green piece of shit?”
“Cause she liked it when Sholpel FUCKED HER ROTTEN!”
“I’M GONNA FUCK YOU UP SHOLPEL!”
“IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY THEN!”
“All the red blood on his green fur makes him look kind of Christmassy don’t ya think Kain?”
“WHOSE LAUGHING NOW FUCK HEAD?!”
“Forget I asked.”