Chapter 1:
He's quite talented in his sleep.
Written by: Cheesy Boy
“Come on Transmetal.” cried an annoyed and impatient Kain. “Hurry before Cheese falls asleep.”
Outside the home of Transmetal Kain and Cheesyboy waited. Kain, who was eager to get moving standing, and Cheese, who was more drained then annoying sat quietly next to him. “Ungodly hour.” muttered the ever tired Cheese.
Furious at the delay Kain hit Cheese and screamed “It’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon you idiot! How much time do you need to sleep?”
But Cheese heard nothing of Kain’s words, for he had lost his battle, and was now asleep leaning against Kain’s leg... drooling.
“Dear god, you drool too?” But then realizing his fortune, Kain drew the sword he kept strapped to his side and positioned it to kill the sleeping dairy product.
Suddenly Cheese spun around and hit Kain in the back of the knees with his arm, dropping the stunned Kain to his knees. With surprise still with him, the sleeping man rolled over on top of Kain and put his sword arm in a leg lock.
“What the hell?” asked a baffled and livid Kain. Then using his only free appendage (the left arm) began to hit cheese in the back. But the blows didn’t hut Cheese for the power he used strengthened his jacket enough to easily take the blow.
“Mis pantalones requieren la sangre de una grapadora” screamed a dreaming Cheese, then he began to bite Kain in the leg.
“Great, you let him fall asleep.” sighed Transmetal as he saw Cheese lying on top of Kain.
“Il cane ha il rubato il suo uomo di boccone grande di blocco due.” Cheese said to Transmetal.
“Why is he attacking me, and biting me, and how come he knows Spanish?”
“Because he wrestles in his sleep, because he wrestles dirty in his sleep, and according to the tests Jabox has been doing on him he speaks every language when he is asleep.”
“Il gatto ha watered giù il mio té” cried Cheese, then continued with the biting.
“See, that’s Italian.”
“How do we stop him?”
“Say the magic waking up word.” replied Transmetal.
“Kaffe anbringer en slutt til det bløende såret på Deres ansikt.” (that’s Norwegian)
“Well what is it?”
“Taco.”
Immediately Cheese woke up. Kain took the opportunity to thrown him of and then kick him a few times. Then a few more times.
“So what now?” asked Transmetal.
“We need transportation.”
“Shut up!” screamed Kain, then he kicked Cheese again. “... yeah I’m thinking he’s right.” Then back to the kicking.
“The bet said we can’t use our car’s” retorted Transmetal.
“So we steal one.”
“Correction, you steal one Cheese. So far you’ve only proved to slow us down.” said Kain.
“We have been traveling for 10 minutes now.”
“On thin ice.” said Kain.
“Fine, I steal, but you have to drive.” consented Cheese
“Fine with me. I wasn’t about to trust either of you behind a wheel of a car.”
-------------------------------- “Stealing a car, stealing a car...” sang a very merry Cheese.
“Maybe you shouldn’t go around proclaiming your desire to swipe a car.” suggested Kain.
“No matter, he and my croquet mallet will find us a car.” said Cheese as he pulled out a fairly well made croquet mallet. “And were in the mood for some redneck stomping, so I hope a truck is okay with you guys.”
Then Cheese stood up on his tipsy toes and took a good look around. Seeing his prey, a pack of 3 rednecks around a pick up truck, he proceeded forward.
“Excuse me boys.” He started, all three turned to look at him, “I’m just a gay rich Islamic boy and just for good measure I’m also what ever other minority you hic’s like to pick on. I just wanted to say hi, and to steal your car you poor white trash.”
For some reason they were mad, and decided to rush Cheese. But he was ready, bringing the mallet to bear he smashed it down straight into the first one’s face. Continuing his momentum he rammed the second with his shoulder.
The third was confused about this sudden turn of events and hesitated long enough for Cheese to swing his mallet around hitting the hic squarely in the chest, likely breaking a rib.
With only one left conscious, and him down on the concrete parking lot due to the shove he sustained.
Deciding against smashing his head in Cheese kicked Hic number two head into the pavement.
Then the pillaging began. All three rummaged threw the pockets of the defeated. Transmetal found the key’s, and they all found money.
Horary, for hurting Red Necks!