Remnants of a Domain Kain Christmas

By: Kain

T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the lair,
Biosoldier and Kain were throwing firecrackers into the air;
The stockings were hung by the air vent with care,
In hopes that the socks would filter the bad air.

Cheesy Boy was nestled all snug in the dryer,
While Shadow was tied up in a lot of barbed wire;
Kain with a hammer, Jabox 4 with some cattle,
Had just settled down for a long winter's battle.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Cheesy sprang from the dryer to see what was the matter;
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
He went through the shutters when he tripped on some hash.

The mouse at the end of the newly made hall,
Gave the luster of blood as Cheesy Boy he did maul;
When what to his wondering eyes did appear?
A miniature sled, Barbie Boy, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so senile and blind,
The "Go Away" signs Kain put out front he did not find.

More rabid than beagles his coursers they came,
St. Nick whistled and shouted and called them the wrong name;
"Now, Dishes! Now, Dorcer! Now, Pincer and frumpy!
On, Smelly! On, Stupid! On, Dipstick and Lumpy!
To the top of the roof, to the top of the mall!
Now fly away, fly away, fly away all!"

As the bums that before the `tender kicks `em all out,
When they down a bruisky or seven, fly to the grout;
So up to the lair, the reindeer they flew,
With a sleigh full of booze and St. Nicholas too.

And then in a stumbling Kain heard on the roof,
The stumbling and shouting of a fat, little goof;
As he came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
Kain knew in a moment the screwball had fell.

He was dressed in faux fur from his head to his foot,
His clothes were tattered, covered with ashes and soot;
A beer bottle he had flung to the floor,
Shattered into shards as he searched for a door.

His eyes—they looked tired! His dimples, how sad!
His nose was all red, he looked pretty bad.
His droll little mouth was drawn up in such dread,
As Kain's hammer ricocheted of the elf's head.

Transmetal's mouth dropped to the floor,
As Shadow broke free and ran through the door;
He saw the unconscious Santa on his side,
He immediately declared, "Time for a joyride!"

Up the Chimney they went getting stuck along the way,
Biosoldier kicked a reindeer and Jabox 4 jumped into the sleigh.
They flew across the nation, swinging left and dashing right,
While Kain threw presents down at people's head's declaring, "It's a fight!"

With the booze found in the sleigh,
Biosoldier drank all his pains away;
He sprang to the back, gave the reindeer a whistle,
And down he fell, as the others flew off like a thistle.
But Cheesy Boy heard Kain exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Fuckin' Christmas you ungrateful bastards,
And to all a good night!"