Once upon a time...



Written by: Cheesy Boy

Once upon a time, there was a knight. Well, he was almost a knight. He was going to advanced knight school, but he didn’t really know what type of knight he wanted to be. He had many paths open to him, but was unwilling to commit him self to any one in particular.

The knight in question was known to all – or you know, maybe a few people. What? I don’t know if you looked into this, but everyone is a lot of people – as the Red Eyed Knight.

But our – kind of – brave Knight was not alone, for he had a friend. His friend was know to about the same amount of people as the former knight as the Knight that was way into shiny things.

Why yes, they were quite a pair. They were everything a hero needed to be, at least for the context of this story. They were heroic, hungry, and tired.

But mostly hungry. What? Heroics give a guy the munchies.

Back to the story already not in progress.

Well what kind of heroic act of our knights doth inspire this tale? Well, it all started at an awkward time of the year. You see, advanced knight school had just let out, but there parent’s carriages had yet to pick them up for the summer. There weren’t really any damsels to rescue, or dragons to slay. But our heroes, being the ever resourceful people that they are decided not to let the lack of anything to do deter there thirst for something to happen. They were board, and they weren’t about to take that sitting down!

So they decided to build a “Molotov Cocktail”.

I said board not smart. Hell, I didn’t even say reasonably intelligent.

Now for you young squires who don’t know what a “Molotov Cocktail” is, allow me to explain. It is a glass bottle full of gasoline, with a rag or sock stuffed in the top.

To operate said apparatus you do the following. Step 1: Light rag. Step 2: Throw. Note, you might want to throw said bottle very far away from your self.

Now that the two knights had something to do and they set off to do it. They now needed three things: A glass bottle, a rag, and gasoline.

A rag wasn’t too hard to find, because it was a rag... or in this case a sock. The Red Eyed Knight walked around with out a sock for the rest of the night.

As for a glass bottle, let’s be honest; it was an advanced knight school. Those aren’t in short supply at any advanced knight school, anywhere.

But the gasoline was a bit harder because neither of the knights had a car, um horse... gas powered horse. Yes, neither had a gas powered horse, or they would be home by now. So they would have to siphon the gasoline from another horse. You know, the gas powered kind.

But being the reasonably stupid knights that they were, they didn’t know how to siphon gasoline from a horse – not that I think any of us could claim to be able to siphon gas from a horse – so they asked a round.

And after asking around they still didn’t know how to siphon gas. The people they asked either didn’t know how or felt the need to stay out of this, for increasingly evident reasons.

Though they were not detered, they failed at siphoning gasoline. All they acomplished was getting a tube stuck in the schools carrage.

Adventually they got a ride to the local gas station, and they got the desired liquid. Hoorah!

Now our heroes had there supplies, and they were ready to start putting the pieces together. The first thing they had to do was put the gas in the bottle.

And they had a plan for that. A simple plan. A fool-proof plan. Yeah...

They would poor the gasoline from the bucket into a Styrofoam cup with a hole in the bottom and into the bottle. But now we come to the problem. As some of you might know, gasoline eats through Styrofoam faster then a hobo eats a sandwich. - On a side note, gasolie and Styrofoam can be combined into a low grade napalm, but unfortuanatly that is a different story. - They poured gasoline everywhere, or would have. Had they not thought ahead and did this over a trash can.

They thought ahead! Hoorah!

They eventually got it right with a plastic cup, and they threw the trash can away in a dumpster.

With the rag in place, they were finally done. Flipping the bottle over once to get the rag damp with gasoline, they then proceeded to light it with one of there numerous lighters.

According to the Red Eyed Knight, it was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen. Then they ran.

Later that night, the castle guards were looking for who ever threw that “Molotov Cocktail” in an empty parking lot... for horses.

By the way, they threw it in an empty parking lot.

The guards had a lot of luck in they’re search. In fact they had an entire dorm full of knights in training like our heroes saying that the Knight that was way into shiny things asked them how to siphon gasoline. But nothing on the Red Eyed Knight. So they had to let him go.

The second the Red Eyed Knight got out of there he ran a desperate sockless run that led him to his friends dorm room. In that room were several... let’s just say incriminating things. Such as many home made instruments for making any knight just a little red eyed. Both of their dad’s were engineers, so they got a little creative in the designs.

On the second trip back from his friend’s room – that’s right, second trip – he was seen by castle guards. Well they were mighty interested in what he had, and they felt the need to follow him.

He almost made it. He was closing the door to his room when it swung open with the guard standing in front of him. Um... hoorah?

To end this little tail is a scene with our heroes sitting across from our friend the guard, with all their inventions laid out in front of them on a table.

“You guy’s know your fucked right?” said the guard.

“Basically.” said one of the knights. At this point in the story it doesn’t matter which one said it, or even if this was the exact conversation, but it’s the jist of it.

“Then do you mind explaining what exactly how these things work?”

“...”

“For tobacco use only of course.”

“Of course.” They said in unison. And with that, they were more then happy to share they’re creations with the world.