Alright, I Lied

Written by: Spotlite

It felt normal. Maybe it didn’t. I don’t know. But that’s beside the point. As the needle retracted, his eyes continued to blur. Let you focus go to see the world, concealed from mortal vision. He slipped slowly into sedation, muscles relaxing, body weighing him down, brain fading sight out of existence. His mind throwing random, yet inquisitive conundrums throughout his imagination. Why DIDN’T they make vanilla Kool-Aid? Blackness falls.

Alright, I lied before. It definitely wasn’t a normal occurrence. Neither is waking up 10,000 feet in the air with a parachute pack stuffed with kitchen utensils. But that, also, is beside the point. He fell. The ground sped up towards him at an incredible rate; his eyes were literally being pushed into the back of his skull. As the final moments of his fleeting existence seemed to be coming to and untimely conclusion, the pop of a paper bag signaled the start of another awakening. How odd.

Alright, I lied. It might have been a normal occurrence. Waking up on a park bench in the middle of the day could also be considered just that. Maybe it was all just a strange dream. Maybe he just nodded off after a run through the city park. Maybe. But when you gaze down and see a dog humping your leg like it was it’s one and only love, it isn’t something you can enjoy, or something that puts a smile on your face...unless you’re a sick bastard. Maybe you are, but Spotlite sure as hell wasn’t. After kicking the god damned puppy off his leg and washing it off VERY CAREFULLY in the nearby river, he set off again to the nearest mall for a quick bathroom stop and maybe some mini corn dogs from the A&W there. Mmmm....mini corn dogs sure did sound good. He pulled out his wallet, but found nothing but a black void inside. Wait a second...that void seemed awfully suspic-

Alright, I lied. It probably wasn’t a normal occurrence. Neither is being sucked into a black hole lying dormant inside the cash pocket of your wallet. But that’s beside the point. Maybe waking inside of a large concert hall surrounded by a full orchestral band complete with timpani and the occasional bass guitar is a bit weird. To you normal people anyway. Spotlite had found himself in this embarrassing situation multiple times, something he tried to lock away unmolested into the back of his memory. Maybe this was a dream. Maybe he just fell asleep face down into his wallet standing there on the bike path in that park. Maybe he was just a narcoleptic. Who knew? He might as well sit here and enjoy the concert, seeing as how he didn’t really hate orchestra music. Until the entire band stopped abruptly and asked him to take a seat in the audience, he was rather enjoying this part of his insane, yet interesting day. He didn’t know what was going to happen next. It was like being in a game. With a top-of-the-line graphics card. Oh, joy of joy, to be a game character, to have to go and do missions assigned by some unknown force, to randomly shoot, bludgeon, or just plain punch someone to death ala GTA. But wait. The ground seemed to be sinking around him. The floor collapsed under his feet. As he fell into darkness, he contemplated the situation. Seeing as how he was no more than 150 pounds, there would be no way that his body weight could have attributed to the sudden drop, one or more broken legs being inevitable. And the massive band up top had to be at least a good thousand pounds of pressure on that stage. As his legs shot up and slammed into his chin with bone-crushing force, he rolled onto his back, cradling his near-fractured jaw. Noticing how each paragraph seemed to be getting consistently longer and more drawn out, he decided to end it here. He lost consciousness from the immense pain pounding in his lower face.

Alright, I lied. It was a normal occurrence. As he woke up in his bed, cat sleeping at his feet, pain vanished from his jaw, he realized it was only a dream. That was a relief. Now for those mini corn dogs. Mmmm...mini corn dogs...