The land laid dead. For miles on end, this desolation stretched onwards past the horizon. What vegetation and life there had once been in this desert, had long since vanished. It had been destroyed from the many thousands of battles that had taken place over it, from the blood of the dead, explosions from artillery, and the new paintball course built by BarbieBoy. Yes, a paintball course. What had once been an idea, quickly laughed away by Kain, had become the single most profitable business on the planet.

For now, all was quite, all was silent. There was no violence, no bloodshed, and everything was peaceful. But then, a voice cried out:

"He's out of CO2!!! GET HIM!!!"

At this time, anything that had separated the players (i.e. their team loyalty) dissipated, everyone concentrated on this one ultimate act; to descend upon BarbieBoy and shoot the hell out of him while he was defenseless. For BarbieBoy was, indeed, unable to fire his rifle.

BarbieBoy sat in his hiding place, pondering this rather frightening turn of events. He could of sworn that he had re-filled his CO2 before the match. Looking downward at the squirrel he had used as a cartridge, he cursed silently.

"Shit."

Well, perhaps not that silently.

"Shit!"

BarbieBoy noticed 40 some odd players stampeding towards him, firing their paintball rifles wildly. He himself, glanced wildly around. There was no escape...

Then suddenly, from the sky, a huge explosion flashed. The shock wave took several seconds to reach the ground, but when it did, it shook the very earth they stood on. Earthquakes raged all across the continent. Vast chasms opened up, engulfing all the players but BarbieBoy. The vibrations continued on for several seconds, until finally dying out.

BarbieBoy curled into a fetal position, too afraid to move.

"Damn, and I thought Kain would never get around to destroying the colony again."

Transmetal looked out of the window of the escape pod, and stared at the wreckage of the colony. The force of the explosion had completely annihilated the colony's structural stability. With a tear in the colony's body, the vacuum of space had torn the entire construction apart.

Vladimir took off his head phones (he was listening to some classic Russian music), and looked at Transmetal.

"Kain wasn't the one that destroyed it. Either way, you should be pleased; you were expecting him to blow it up way back in Episode 4."

"The colony was designed to withstand explosions twice as powerful as that, why did it break so easily?"

"Well, next time you design a colony, make sure to use something other than duct tape to hold steel beams together, Transmetal."

Suddenly, a red streak... ummm... streaked past the escape pod's window.

"Hey! Was that?"

Transmetal and Forin jump to the window, trying to get a better look as an un-naturally green object fell through the atmosphere, alongside the pod.

"Hey... Is that..."

"A spoon in his hand? Yea..."

"Biosoldier..."

"Biosoldier..."

Well, now that the author of this final episode has made it a habit of switching scenes every 5 paragraphs; We switch back to Dark World, where the heir to Kain's rule is, ummm... playing with his pet penguin.

"FLY DAMN YOU!!! FLY!!!"

CheesyBoy casually screams at the penguin, and attempts to demonstrate to the penguin what he wants it to do. He runs around in a circle for a few minutes, flapping his arms in vain, until running into a wall.

"Why can't you fly?! Curse you!!!!"

While CheesyBoy continues his parade of idiocy, Kylie enters. Kylie has aged somewhat since the last episode. Her hair is now a bleached white, and her eyes have a tired, sullen, look.

"CheesyBoy? I have given the televised announcement, as you instructed."

"Really? When did I tell you to do that?"

"You told me to tell everyone that you were the legiment heir to Kain's sovereign, and I was to be your new queen."

"And?"

"The kingdom has now broken down into complete chaos and Anarchy."

"Oh, that's too bad."

Cheesyboy turns back to the penguin, while Transmetal's pod continues to fall through the atmosphere. The escape pod has made it almost half way through the re-entry phase. To escape the boredom, Transmetal and Vladimir try to identify all the colony wreckage falling into the atmosphere.

"Hmmmm... I think that one's the main generator.."

"Oh, hey! The one over there looks like Shen's body!"

"Huh, I wondered what had happened to that... Anyway, we're almost near the ground... Beginning to slow for land descent..."

Vladimir is about to start the auto-landing sequence, when suddenly Transmetal yells...

"Shit! It's Biosoldier!!!"

"Huh?! AHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

Biosoldier's body rips through the hull of the pod, and slams straight through it taking Vladimir with him. The two fall through the sky for a good two minutes, with Biosoldier gracefully doing tricks, and Vladimir screaming; they then smash into a sky scraper... that wasn't there before. The building's automatic cleansing systems kick on instantly, in order to clean off the foreign bodies. In other words, a giant windshield wiper streaks across the glass.

Biosoldier appears unharmed, and jumps out of harms way (his body, laced with root-beer bottles, creates enough drag that the 13 story fall doesn't hurt him). Vladimir, on the other hand, is a bloody communist mess of organs... His body is quickly wiped off. The building then groans (... Yes, the building) "Damn base-jumpers." and collapses. Transmetal watches this in amazement, vowing never to fly in the same ship as a communist again...

The pod continues to slow as it descended towards it's destination, Kain's former castle. Well, it was still a castle, but it no longer belonged to Kain, CheesyBoy inherited it. Years later, historians would argue over whether Kain had actually been foolish enough to write off this inheritance to a man like CheesyBoy, and if he had even written a will in the first place. It was true, he wasn't exactly the most likely successor. He was the sort of person who would paint the castle orange (which he did), cover the courtyard in plastic Flamingos (which he also did), and allow Transmetal to land his pod on the roof (which was sort of his fault too, as he had placed a landing pad there).

Transmetal jumps out of the pod, and onto the landing ramp with his fake cape billowing magnificently. He walked down the ramp, with the arrogant look of someone who knows that he's achieved victory. After spending a few fruitless minutes looking for a stairway down into the building, Transmetal finds an escape ladder and makes a rather un-magnificent descent into the courtyard.

"Transmetal!"

"CheesyBoy?"

Suddenly, an object crashes through the ceiling. It falls onto CheesyBoy's penguin, creating a incredibly deep crater.

"What? NOOOOO!!! PENGUIN!!!!!!"

"Mmmm... Penguin meat, that'd hit the spot."

A green man steps out of the crater, with the cooked penguin impaled on his spoon.

"Biosoldier!"

"What?!"

"Awwww crap."

Yes, all three of them had ended up in the same freaking courtyard for absolutely no other reason than the author was so desperate to finish this story, that he had resulted to dangerously boring cliches. The three victims of the author's stupidity gasp in horror.

"Gasp!"

"Gasp!"

"Gasp!"

"Alright, all of you shut up, I gasped first. Jabox4 is currently launching his assualt force to this planet."

"Gasp!"

"Damnit! I said to shut the hell up!"

CheesyBoy and Biosoldier are about to gasp again, but they think better of it.

"This assault force is more powerful than anything we have, especially after the battle with Kain."

"So, we're pretty much doomed?"

All of a sudden, Transmetal no longer appears to be the bumbling idiot he usually is. His voice seems confident, almost leader-like... Almost... There was a reason for this, other than the absence of Kain. For once, he actually had a clue as to what the hell was going on.

"Yes, we're doomed."

"Oh..."

"May I make a suggestion?"

Kylie hobbles towards them on to her "Domain Kain" cain. She looks up, towards the three former website editors.

"There is still one hope remaining on this miserable mud-ball of a planet. The Golden Ratio..."

"The Golden what?"

"The Golden Ratio... Legend speaks of it as an object of infinite beauty, it's pleasing shape brings happiness and fulfillment to all who gaze upon it."

Kylie pauses for a moment, and then continues.

"This small, seemingly worthless object, was responsible for the internet boom of the late 90's. However, there were those who sought to use it for themselves, and their own selfish ambitions. Legend tells of a man named Dick Cheney, who stole the object... Seeking to create an aura of happiness for the Republican Party, and win the '00 election. However, he accidentally ate it."

"Errr..."

"And that is all I know of it, except for one last important piece. For reasons unknown to us, the Golden Ratio became stuck in his liver. Once he died, the liver was transplanted to each of his descendents. If we can find his current descendent, we may be able to recover it."

"But we're trying to stop Jabox4 from invading the planet, I don't see how this will help."

Kylie turns gravely towards Transmetal, for no apparent reason.

"Jabox4 hates anything of beauty. From the very beginning, he wanted nothing but perfection. He cares nothing for the artistic or frivolous aspects of this universe. If we were to remove the Golden Ratio, and bring it out into the open, everything would be made happy."

"But..."

"HAPPY! Don't make me repeat myself."

At this, Kylie turns back towards the castle, and walks away, leaving Biosoldier, CheesyBoy, and Transmetal deep in thought. Biosoldier tries to think of where he might find a Root Beer machine, CheesyBoy thinks of his dead pet penguin, while Transmetal realizes something.

"Hey! Remember that assualt force I sent to earth, back in episode 9 part 1? If we could find those ships, we may have a fighting chance!"

Biosoldier mutters something about Root Beer, while CheesyBoy walks back into the castle, ignoring both of them.

"Biosoldier? The Golden Ratio is supposed to be an object of intense happiness. Since you feel happiest when you have Root Beer... Maybe the Golden Ratio is..."

"Root Beer?!"

"Ummmm... Yea, sure... Come on, we're going to go find my ships."

"Root Beer..."

Transmetal and Biosoldier then take leave of the courtyard. They walk down the only remaining path on Dark World, that hasn't been overgrown by weeds, and onwards over the horizon.

Something was bothering CheesyBoy, and he didn't quite know what it was. It wasn't like his brain, to try and remind him of something. Usually he agreed with himself, the only thing that kept him in balance was the voices. Yes, the voices in his head. They too were bothering CheesyBoy about something. Sadly though, he wasn't paying attention to that. He was busily playing Super Mario Sunshine.

As he led Mario down the streets, spraying all the painty goopy stuff around town, he remembered something. Something that BarbieBoy had once told him:

"I'm great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson of Dick Cheney!"

CheesyBoy smacks his head.

"D'oh."

He then goes back to playing Gamecube. Several minutes later, Kylie hobbles in.

"What is occurring CheesyBoy?"

"Don't bother me, I'm spraying water all over a tropical town with an Italian plumber."

"Well, I was just wondering if you had looked into the hall of records lately."

"No, my French Italian German accent doesn't register with the library's check-out robot."

"After I left your presence earlier, I went down there to look up all the possible descendents of Dick Cheney... You're one of them..."

CheesyBoy suddenly pauses, glances up at the knife Kylie is holding, and turns back to is game.

"Does that mean I'm related to BarbieBoy?"

"That has nothing to do with this fool! I have a knife!!! I'm planning on gutting you to grab the Golden Ratio... AREN'T YOU GOING TO TRY AND AT LEAST DEFEND YOURSELF?!"

"No..."

"Wait, why did you ask if you were related to BarbieBoy?"

"Because..."

"Are you saying that... BarbieBoy... is..."

Kylie suddenly drops the plastic PlaySkool butter knife, and somehow runs out of the room. CheesyBoy doesn't comprehend any of this, and goes back to playing Gamecube in accordance with what the voices in his head tell him to do.

Everywhere... You see green. Lush vegetation inhabits the one remaining forest on Dark World. Wild life is everywhere, with so many trees and shrubs that the sunlight is pretty much choked out of existence. All you can hear, is the chirping of birds, the cries of monkeys and other mammals. But then, everything suddenly goes silent. Not a sound can be heard except for a distant...

The great Papaloomp became aware of this new threat, while taking his evening walk through the forest. The great Papaloomp was a hairy beast, with large, overgrown fangs that didn't do much except weigh his body down. He looked very much like a mutated chimp, which he was. He was simply limping down the trail, when a large metallic foot came from the sky... and stepped on him.

Squash!

"Ooops, I don't think we were supposed to do that."

"Ignore... Concentrate on the great danger which lies ahead, in the form of a spoon."

Yes, it was the dynamic duo of Transmetal and Biosoldier, happily stomping their way across the landscape. Having absolutely no means of safe transportation, they had gone to the landing site of Transmetal's Blasted-Electric-Assasin-Nusance-Squad (B.E.A.N.S.). This group was supposed to have gone in and attacked Kain's fortress during their previous battle in space. To his great dismay, he noticed a rather large "out to lunch" sign hanging from the window, and as Transmetal said:

"It's a little in-joke of ours, basically it meant that they got so hungry that they ended up eating each other... The poor bastards..."

After this, the two men dug through the cargo hold. Ignoring such frivolous items as nuclear bombs, laser guns, and a blow up Barbie Doll, they jumped into an RX-78 model Gundam(i.e. A large anime robot, which is piloted by a cockpit in the abdomen), and flew off towards some random direction. Back in the real world, however...

A large army of monkeys began surrounding the Gundam, as it stomped through their towns, homes, and farms (of ants, a choice delicacy). Their futile efforts did little but get them killed. It was reminiscent of that battle in Star Wars, the one with the Ewoks fighting the AT-ST walkers, except that the monkeys were dying.

"The great Papaloomp has been killed! Destroy the perpetrators! Kill the homosapiens!!! Kill the anime style mass of metal!!! KILL!!!"

As the Gundam continued walking over the monkeys, a red light began to beep.

"Errr... What the hell do we do with that?"

Transmetal asks this, as Biosoldier whips out his spoon. A crazed look of idiocy fills his eyes, as he starts stabbing the red, blinking light with the spoon. Suddenly, his moronic poking is rewarded when a video communication screen comes to light. Even with the intense static, fuzz, and general bad reception, they can make out Kylie's voice.

"This is Kylie ~~ calling Transmetal and Biosoldier... I can't use two-way communication ~~~ don't bother trying to respond. Jabox4 has already taken over the fortress ~~ entered by hacking his way in while playing a game of Red Alert 2 online against CheesyBoy. ~~~ ~~ found out who may have the Golden Ratio ~~~ It's... It's.... Damn it ~~ I forgot his name...."

Suddenly, the connection breaks. However, neither Transmetal or Biosoldier notice, as they are too busy either sleeping(Biosoldier) or staring at an immense crater in the ground, just beyond the edge of the forest(Transmetal). The monkeys continue attacking the Mechanoid, while Transmetal pilots it towards the forest clearing. It's monkey blood stained feet continue trashing wildlife, such as the giant killer-bee nest, of which sends its greatest fighters to challenge the monkeys. As the two incredibly wierd species mutations duke it out, the two pilots jump out of the cockpit and onto the ground below.

"Hey, isn't this BarbieBoy's paintball course?"

"Yes, I have many memories of this place. There were times of bloodshed, pain, and victory that come from this place. I would stalk my enemies to their death..."

"I thought you didn't kill people in paintball."

"Well I did, and I drank of my enemies blood. Drank it, like the vascular substance it is."

"Right... Oh, hey... What the hell?"

Transmetal points up to the one, untouched area of the entire arena.

"What kind of power would cause this area to not collapse, like the rest of the arena?"

"The Golden Ratio..."

Suddenly, from the sky, red lights begin to appear. All across the globe, people begin to witness the beginning of the end. Jabox4's troops have begun their assault upon Dark World. People cower in their beds; Kylie is on her knees, praying; children cry. Everyone knows what is happening, but no one knows what they can do. The troops have begun to enter the atmosphere, there is no time left.

"Alright Biosoldier, this is it. Let's grab it and save the world..."

The two begin to climb the plateau, forging ahead as fast as they can. They both are very much aware of their lack of time, and both can only hope that their savior is at the top... Biosoldier is the first to reach the top, being in the best physical state. He just stares at what he has found. Transmetal makes it to the top, and stares too.

"What the... BARBIEBOY?!"

"Greetings, how may I be of annoyance?"

"What the... You... You..."

"Is there something you need?"

"Ummm... yeah... Would you mind if we were to kill and gut you open?"

"No, of course not..."

"Alright then, Biosoldier? You do the honors..."

Biosoldier whips out his spork, and proceeds to gut open BarbieBoy.

"Who would've guessed, BarbieBoy... A descendent of Dick Cheney..."

Biosoldier rips out the liver with a grunt, a nice satisfied grunt.

"Great, now lets find this Golden Ratio."

Biosoldier rips apart the liver, with yet another satisfied grunt.

"Hey... That's a..."

"What the..."

Biosoldier held it up... Well, there were actually two items. One was a rectangle like thing, and the other was a rubix cube.

"Hmmmmm..."

"Which one do you think is the Golden Ratio?"

"Ummm, I dunno. Let's go with the Rubix Cube!"

2 Hours Later...

The techno-textured walls pulsate with an eerie glow, their precisely rhythmic pattern gives a feeling of... pure perfection... Biosoldier and Transmetal enter through the front door, and walk towards a chair. The man in the chair takes his time in turning around, until he see the two face to face.

"Yo, word up."

"Greetings Jabox4..."

Transmetal gives a mock bow, while Biosoldier simply gives him the finger.

"We have a present for you..."

"All your base are belonged to us last episode..."

"Well, that won't help you now... Look at THIS!!!"

Transmetal suddenly whips out the Rubix cube, and thrusts it into Jabox4's face.

"Hahahahaha!!!! Feel the intense happiness... FEEL THE INTENSE..."

"Ummm.. Trans? Shouldn't that thingy be glowing, or something?"

"Shut up... You're ruining the effect of the Golden Ratio!!!"

Jabox4 looks unimpressed.

"Fools, the Golden Ratio is precisely the (sqrt(5)+1)/2, or rather, 1.618033989... and is present only in a special rectangular object. Your Rubix Cube has no effect on me. Try again."

Transmetal and Biosoldier glance at each other.

"Well, ummm... Could you at least keep ahold of it for awhile?"

"Word."

Biosoldier gives the Rubix cube to Jabox4. Biosoldier once again gives Jabox4 the finger, and walks out the door. Transmetal gives the finger also, but stumbles on his shoe lace as he leaves. Once they have both left the room, Jabox4 tosses the Rubix cube into a pile of junk, containing things like "The Ivory Toad of Shanghai" and Kain's wallet. He laughs, as nice synthetic, robotic laugh. It was all too easy.

Out in the hallway Biosoldier and Transmetal are led through the hallways by two robo-guards. The two are strangely silent, until Transmetal begins to smirk. The robo-guards take no notice, and as Transmetal casually reaches into his pocket. Biosoldier takes the hint, and randomly points in some direction, screaming:

"Look!!! AIR!"

The two robo-guards quickly turn away, as they are programmed to respond to any sort of stimuli they recieve. Transmetal whips out three small, compact, electro-shock guns. He tosses two towards Biosoldier, who fires 30 some odd rounds into the robo-guards bodies. Transmetal takes the more conservative route, and shoots two more guards precisely in their CPUs.

"Thank God for cliche back-up plans."

"Yea, shall we make our way to... er... Pick your choice of critcal sections."

"The one that's most explosive."

"Right."

The two begin running down an adjacent hallway, taking out robots and security cameras as they go along. Spending so much of their concentration of the guards following them, they practically run into even larger sentinal guards at the elevator. These new threats look like two large, light-blue lobes stacked on top of one another, but with large guns attached like arms. Biosoldier begins pumping rounds into the new threat while Transmetal takes up the rear. The glowing purple rounds of electricity do nothing but dissapate as they hit the sentinal's shields.

"Trans? We're in trouble."

"No shit."

The two begin backtracking, moving away from the Sentinals. However, the Sentinals begin to move towards them, having recognized them as threats. Transmetal suddenly aims his weapon at the wall, chunks of metal fly everywhere. Biosoldier picks one sharp edged piece up, and stabs the upper lobe of one of the Sentinals. The Sentinal's shields are designed to reflect energy weapons, not physical attacks, causing them to be completely defenseless to this assualt. Biosoldier tears the piece out of the first Sentinal, and pummels the second one with it.

Transmetal curses out loud, his weapon is out of ammo. Biosoldier fires at the ceiling above the on-coming robo-guards, causing some confusion on their part. Taking advantage of this, Bio and Trans make a run for the elevator. Well, they skip the elevator, and just fly down the elevator shaft. Since there is no gravity, they literally fly/float downwards until the hit the bottom level.

Opening the door, they are greeted with another group of robo-guards, who are quickly slaughtered by Biosoldier's insane firing technique. Noticing a working gun on the dead robo-guards body, Transmetal picks it up and joins into the fray. Within several minutes, they have destroyed all the guards. As the smoke clears, the two become aware of a faint glowing.

"This is it... You sure you want to go through with this?"

"..."

Transmetal walks up to a large, pulsating tube. This is the source of the strange glowing. Each pulse brings a purple after-glow. It's none other than...

"Jabox4's underbelly, it's his way of re-using energy. You see, energy doesn't dissapear once someone uses it, it just changes form. This is the ultimate energy converter, that makes it VERY explosive."

"Sweet..."

"Once we do this, there's really no way for us to... well... You figure it out, I need to find a way to screw this up."

"No, allow me..."

Biosoldier begins firing rapidly at the engine, as more robo-guards begin to punch through the floor and ceiling. Transmetal reflects on this ironic twist of events, he would've never figured himself, or Biosoldier for that matter, saving the world. He took out 4 more robo-guards for good measure. As the poisonous gas, radiation, and such began pouring into the room, all he could think of was how many ways it was possible to eat Cheese. Oh well.

From the decks below, an explosion roared. It rocked the ship, even Jabox4 felt it, who suddenly had an urge to curse out loud. He yelled at the computer to give him a read-out of the ship. He stared at it, knowing what it meant for him and the invasion.

"Ohhh FUC..."

He never had the chance to finish his statement, as the entire ship went up in flames. Everything in the ship was on the verge of exploding, and when it did, it was one big ass explosion. The first shock wave decimated all ships within a 500000 km radius, essentially taking out all the orbiting assualt ships. The second shock wave was larger than the first, as the ship's were sucked into a mini-black hole caused by Jabox4's ship explosion/implosion. The second shock wave was felt even on earth, as it completely decimated any and all buildings/life on the surface. Everything was gone, everything was dead.

EPILOUGE:

This disaster made the previous "Great Disaster" look like a rain-storm. But, the funny thing about nature is it's way of growing from its own ashes, into something bigger and better than it was before. It took very little time, geologically speaking, for the planet to re-grow itself. Within a mere 5 years, over 80% of the earth's surface had recouperated to pre-industrial era organism growth. That is, to say, before humans had grown to control the world. But, what does not destroy you, makes you stronger. Humans, perhaps one of the greatest mistakes of life, had learned from their own folly. A ragged 500 humans had escaped to shelters underground, left over from the previous "great disaster". They were the ones that brought Earth back. They understood the mistakes of their ancestors, and were willing to make it up. If people like Transmetal, Kain, Damien, and Biosoldier were willing to do their part in saving the world, humanity may have some hope. If this new group is any indication, the future does indeed hold some promise.

The End
(i.e. THANK GOD IT'S OVER)

---

Back

Here's a little treat for all you readers who were kind enough to stick with us through the past 10 episodes. It's been alot of fun, and well... I'll leave the reminiscing for the update-post. Here's one of many endings we toyed with. As you can see, it didn't really bring much closure to the series, and we thought that would have been a turn-off for those who expected an exciting ending. Instead, it kinda ended on an ironic note, pointing out how... Ah, just read it!

-------------------
Alternate Ending

Outside, Jabox4 had been kind enough to allow them to escape back to the planet in their B.E.A.N.S. ship. They have set the ship on auto pilot, and have several minutes to reflect on what happened.

"Well, that was bullshit."

"So what did we accomplish, I mean, throughout the whole series?"

"Ummm... We fought a pointless war... We killed Kain and a bunch of other main characters off... I guess we didn't do much of anything."

"Did we learn anything?"

"Well..."

Biosoldier takes a bite of his Frank, which is topped with Beans.

"... we did learn what the Golden Ratio was, that and (insert final revelation here)."

"Oh..."

Transmetal and Biosoldier's ship descends back towards Dark World, or rather, Word World as Jabox4 calls it. Thus ends the Insert Name Here War.

The End?