History Lesson

Today's Lesson:
Kain and Able

Sitting (almost) peacefully in a large soft chair behind a desk made out of dead ostriches duck taped together, Cheesy Boy is enjoying his afternoon block of wood while stroking (get your minds out of the gutter you filthy fu... ahem) bat (a baseball bat) when Kain rushes over to him angry (wow.) and deranged (super wow.).

“Hey Kain,” casually asked Cheesy Boy. “Why are you angry and deranged?”

“Well I’m not.” replied Kain who seemed to be momentarily stunned by the question, “What gave you that idea?” After several moments of awkward silence and more bat stroking (seriously it’s a baseball bat), Kain continued. “It’s just that I’m confused about your latest story.”

“Hmmm, I see. Now what exactly confused you about it?”

“Well it’s a Kain and Able story, and I’m not playing the part of Kain. In fact I’m Able. The worst possible part for me in the story!” Kain was nearly at the point of screaming when he finished.

Cheesy Boy seemed lost, not in thought, but lost never the less. And after stroking some more (really it’s a... damnit this time it’s not. I’m just goanna be over there. Killing my self.). He then proceeded to say the following words: “Disagree I. Perfect would for that you think be I part.” You think I’m playing a joke on you? He said it in that order, (He did. God I hate my life) but I think he was trying to say “I disagree. I think you would be perfect for that part.” Make sense? No? (Come on I’m over here killing my self and you don’t even care.) Shut up, I’m running the show here. (Good by cruel world.)

“Um, Cheese?” said Kain, “Do you thin you could stop this shit?”

“What shit?” queried Cheese.

“This weird narration thing,” said Kain “It’s starting” continued Kain “to” explained Kain “piss” urinated Kain “Yeah, that’s it, stop.” Said Kain in a lady’s dress. “That’s not true! Cheese you have to stop this!”

“Fine, back to basics.”

Time for History!!!

Kain (As Able) – Hey, umm, other Kain. I’m all good and shit.

Jabox 4 – That’s nice... I mean bad... Able?

Transmetal – Yo, I’m god. I totally favor Able even though I’m a non biased deity. But despite that I’m giving Kain... Able... the guy on the right...

Jabox 4 – Me?

Transmetal – No, my right.

Jabox 4 – Okay, just checking.

Transmetal – An XBox and a complete video game library, and a Plasma Screen TV.

Kain – Kick ass, this isn’t so bad. I can live with this.

Jabox 4 – Hey... Wait! This is a time period before electricity, so you can’t use that stuff.

Kain – Fuc...

Cannon Fodder – We totally prefer the guy on our right, not yours, so we are giving him a power generator...

Jabox 4 – Doesn’t that need gas?

Cannon Fodder – ...that runs on dreams

Jabox 4 – FUCK! Hey, I got to finish saying fu...

Kain – Maybe there is something to this being good thing. Like stuff, lots of free stuff.

Jabox 4 – Can I...

Kain – NO!

Jabox 4 – Hey!

Cannon Fodder – Now go away before we stone you!

Transmetal – Yea, I’m totally in the mood for a smiting.

Jabox 4 – Grrr

Kain – Let’s all point and laugh at him to emphasize how much he sucks.

Cannon Fodder – That’s brilliant!

Transmetal – I’m in.

Cheesy Boy – Hey hey hey. Who gave him a dagger? Props?

Props – What?

Cheesy Boy – Get rid of that. He needs like a rail gun, or a tank or some shit.

Props – We have a mini-gun in the back.

Cheesy Boy – That’s it?

Kain – Umm, I’m thinking I’m NOT liking the nice thing anymore.

Jabox 4 – Flamethrower? What about a flamethrower?

Cheesy Boy – Yeah!

Props – Well we might be able to Magiver something that shoot bullets that explode releasing napalm...

Cheesy Boy – I’m afraid it will have to do.

Kain – But...

Props – Here we go.

Jabox 4 – That was fast.

Props – Well the blast radius isn’t very large...

Kain – Thank you, God.

Props - ... only about a five foot radius per bullet.

Kain – Wha?

Jabox 4 – What’s the firing rate?

Kain – God, I know we haven’t been on the best of terms..

Transmetal – Oh shut up Kain, I’m not going to listen anymore.

Props – About 600 rounds per minute, and the clip has 1800 bullets. But we have more if you need them.

Jabox 4 – I think that will do.

Kain – I hate you god.

Transmetal – I hate you too. Bye.

Jabox 4 – Bye bye.

Kain – Fuc...