Fun at the Mall

Written by: Spotlite



There once was a man named...Delary. Yeah. Well, one day, Delary was seeking out government secrets. So they shot him in the groin. The end.

“That story sucked!” yelled an angry Biosoldier. “Why do you suck so much? Like, if there was some sucking to do, that would do it. Alot. Cause you suck. And you’re dumb. And stupid. And you suck.”

“Well, maybe I wouldn’t suck so much if you’d SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH ONCE IN A WHILE!” screamed a rabidly pissed Spotlite, foam shooting from his mouth.

“Calm down, you two! It’s not like Spotlite has ever written a good story anyway,” Transmetal said, calmly.

“Hey!”

“Oh, come on. You know it’s true! Like that one you wrote about the calzone?”

“HAHA! That was YOUR piece!”

“Oh...yeah...”

And with that, Kain smashed Trans over the head with the flat side of his Murasame. “We’re not getting anywhere with this crap shooting. Now...what were we here for again?”

Mumbles and confused stares came from the staff, followed by a synchronize shoulder shrug. “Can we go get some Chinese food? Or go to the mall?” Spotlite suggested.

“How about we go to the mall that has the Chinese place in the food court.”

“Alright.”

And so they were off! Off into the great unknown...of the University Mall! Where many and all flock for great stuff at great deals! Unknowingly, that is...cause...its un...unknown...yeah, anyway.

One group consisting of Kain, Spotlite, Biosoldier, Cheesy Boy, and Barbie Boy headed to the EB, while Quantum Human, Transmetal, Shizuka, Jabox 4, Shadow, and Wolfbane headed to the food court to get some eats and possibly harass some less intelligent children.

“Well, this is just FUCKING great! The game I bought for full price yesterday is half price today! FAWK!” cried Biosoldier, looking at a random XBOX game.

“Quit yer bitchin’!” Spotlite then commenced to jump on Bio and beat the crap out of him for some unknown reason. The two continued to fight in the background, obviously knocking over as many things as they could in the process.

“Why does Halo: Game of the Year Edition cost more than Halo? They’re the same thing!” Kain barked at Barbie Boy, as if it was his fault.

“Don’t hurt me!” Barbie screamed as he curled into a ball on the floor.

“Get up here, or else I WILL! Hey...where’d Cheesy go?”

Kain glances over his shoulder and sees Cheesy, in the most primitive wording, blowin’ shit up. With pockets and a jacket stuffed to the brim with fire crackers, he grabs random games and stuffs a couple lit fire crackers in them, throws them in the air, and screams “Confetti!” when they explode in plastic shrapnel.

“Well, that answers my question.”

-Meanwhile, in the food court-

“No! Quarks ARE real!”

“Prove it!”

“I...I can’t scientifically prove it in a mall! They just are! I know it!”

“Quantum! Shizuka! Shut the hell up and help me make fun of this kid.”

While the three make fun of a small child, Jabox 4 is passed out from consuming too much moonshine made in his own basement, of course. Else where, Wolfbane continues to piss and moan about everyone and thing, all the while refusing to give an old woman back her purse.

“Well, if it was so personal to you, you shouldn’t have let me take it!”

“All that’s in there is a wad of cash and some new credit cards!”

“You old people... you say the wrong things at the wrong time,” he laughed as he ran out the door with the purse in hand.

“Ha-ha, you don’t know ANYTHING about the history of Genghis Kahn, do you? Hey...where’d Shadow go?” wondered Shizuka.

“Probably infiltrating somewhere. Infiltratingly. Infiltrate.” Said Trans, slightly confused by his own words.

“Ah. I’ll buy that.”

-At that same time, somewhere in Idaho-

“Commander, we have just acquired the plans for the death ray that we are going to shoot at Vermont!”

“Excellent!”

“But if you don’t mind me asking, Sir, why exactly Vermont? Why not Santa’s workshop or something more fun like that?”

“Well, it’s because of those damn Ben and Jerry’s factories! They made my wife fat as an elephant with a gland problem! Damn them...”

“Uh, Sir? The plans seem to be missing, but the monitors have picked up a darkish human-like object leaving the fort.”

“Curse you, Shadooowwww!!! Currrrsssee Yooouuuu!!!!!”

-The End-