It Can't Be...

Written by: Spotlite

It can’t be what he thought it was. It can’t be! ...What was it? The overall size meant it probably wasn’t of this world. Or maybe it was some sort of government-y thingy. Possibly. But...it can’t be! But there was no explaining it. Other than the ideas that life outside of our known solar system existed...but why they would come to THIS backwater planet was beyond him. Possibly to examine how stupid earthlings truly were. It’s not hard to see that we are probably the dumbest pieces of crap in the universe, but that’s not my point.

It can’t be. As it lowered itself down, he dropped his soda and was paralyzed with fear. He wouldn’t have moved away even if he could, seeing as how curiosity had gotten the best of him again. Fortunately, he didn’t fear what was in the space pod. He only feared what they would do to him. Or wouldn’t do, depending on the situation. As the door lowered, he could only see a glimmering portrait of the humanoid in front of the background lights. The figure stepped down onto the platform as it continued its slow descent. Why was it here?

The unknown being stepped off onto the ground, slowly becoming more visible. WHAT THE FUCK?

It can’t be.

Bill Gates.

It couldn’t be. “HOLY SHIT! What the HELL are you doing out here?” Spotlite exclaimed, considering that a forest in Vermont isn’t somewhere he would expect to see the richest man in America, possibly the world.

“Well, I was testing out my new space ship. You want to take a look insi-” and with that, Spotlite stabbed him in the face with his advanced light amplifier knife, ran inside, jumped into the cockpit, and started pushing random buttons. The ship sputtered for a few minutes, launched a few sets of missile-type weapons into the forest, blasted a hole through a nearby tree, and then took off strait up at a velocity only measurable in “buttloads”.

It can’t be. It was too good to be true. He had his own spaceship! He could already hear the excited yells of his friends, the happy laughs from his girlfriend, and the blood-curdling shrieks from his victims. What a joy. Now, how to steer the damn thing...

It can’t be. Damn it! This can’t be! The fucking army was on his ass already! With helicopters and tanks already pursuing him, he decided to take out his anger on “the man” before he was sent to “the big house” and made “the girlfriend” of many inmates. Of course that involved many casualties. You know you’d do it too, so stop pretending to be so damned law-abiding!

It can’t be. That was too lucky. With a flick of the wrist and the press of many random buttons, he managed to fire seven or eight laser shots and a set of rocket things...but when they hit, it created a small black hole for a few moments, sucking in all the debris from the exploded helicopters and tanks. Excellent. With all the distractions gone, he decided to go terrorize a town. Any town, but preferably a small one to start with. Just to get the controls down. He zoomed off into the night, laughing maniacally as he neared his next spot for total destruct-

“For the last time, wake up and do the class work! MR. GREYHAILER!!” It can’t be. It was just another dream. Reluctantly, he returned to his work, hating his teacher even more now than ever before. High school sucks.