Lackey Hut

Written by: CheesyBoy

“Listen, and listen well future peons of my rule. I am Kain, and I shall rule over all of you with an iron and unyielding fist. I give you the option once, and only once. Join me, or die. Join me and you shall receive a seat of power. As my lackey, you shall receive no benefits or money, per say. You shall how ever revive the honor and glory that comes with being a mindless lackey. So what say you?”

“Um, sir.”

“You will join me yes?”

“Actually I wanted to tell you that the intercom is for Megalo-mart employee’s only. I’ll have to ask you to give it back.”

“But I need to find a lackey if I’m to rule the world.”

“Well then your in luck, we sell them.”

“Excellent.”

Pointing him in the direction of Isle 12, the night manager of Megalo-mart stepped aside. Kain, who had long since held ambition of ruling the world looked forward to the purchase of his first lackey. He even brought a disposable camera to document the occasion. Though he did not think he would use the whole role.

When Kain entered the aforementioned Isle 12, he found people of normal size in plastic boxes. Many had catchy slogans, or Kung Foo grip, or action phases, but he found his knowledge in purchasing lackeys a bit limiting. Casually strolling up and down the isle he looked carefully at each, wondering who to pick.

“Excuse me, sir. But are you looking for anything in particular?” Asked an overly happy employee. I say overly happy because any form of happiness is unsuited for anyone working in this god forsaken place.

“Yes, I’m looking for a lackey.”

“Would you be using it for petty theft, or would you need one to come up with plans?”

“I need a henchman to help me take over the world.”

“I see, so you’re a megalomaniac.”

“Guilty as charged.”

“Well your in luck, we got a fresh batch of lackeys the other day.”

“Why that’s wonderful.”

“This way, sir.” The odd employee led Kain down the isle. Upon passing he saw one that appeared dead inside his package.

“What happened to that one?”

“Hmmm, looks like he passed his expiration date. I’ll have someone come pick it up. It’s a real shame, people just aren’t buying lackeys like they used to.”

“Not selling very well anymore?”

“No there not.” Sighed the employee. “They have to get off the shelves pretty quickly; I mean we don’t feed them or anything.”

“Of course you don’t. There lackeys”

“I’m afraid the business is going to experience a recession soon. There just isn’t enough megalomaniacs anymore.”

“It’s a real shame. Lackey Hut will survive, but I’m worried about Lackey Hut Jr.. Who are those bullies goanna turn to when they need someone to turn to for help with picking on smaller kids? Can ya tell me that?”

“It’s a crying same. By the way did you see that new model Lackey Hut just put out?”

“No I haven’t.”

“It’s crap. I mean they gave it independent thought.”

“What were they thinking? Independent thought is bad for lackeys.”

“Ohh well.”

“So what do you have for me here?”

“Well this is the Cheesy Boy model. It’s a good model; the only problem is it’s usually unreliable.”

“Like how?”

“Well due to an error, it thinks there are voices in it’s head. But since you’re a megalomaniac it should prove no hindrance to you.”

“Now why would that be?”

“The voices usually tell him to kill or jump of buildings or shit like that. And there is a special on him this week.”

“Really?”

“Yes, buy now any we through in this free restrainer.”

“How’s it work?”

“Well it’s quite simple. You see this padded end? You hold it by that, and you hit him with this metal end.”

“Like a bat?”

“Like a metal bat that sends a 20,000 volt shock into it’s victim.”

“I like it. But is he supposed to be drooling on him self like that?”

“Don’t sweat it, we’ll just wake him up with the restraint devise.”

The employee winds up with the bat and takes a giant swing at the head of the Cheesy Boy model lackey. The Lackey instantly begins to convulse and scream. The wet drool only made the shock worse.

“Hmm, I’ll take him.”

“Excellent choice sir. Let’s load him in the cart.”

“Thanks for the help.”

“Will that be cash or charge?”

“How about free?”

Kain takes a swing with the restraint devise at the employee. And to be perfectly frank, Cheesy Boy took the hit a lot better.