Group Therapy



Written by: Kain

Transmetal, Kain, and Cheesy Boy sit on a log on the side of the road. The charred frames of several cars sit on the road in front of them. Kain brushes back the hair out of his eyes. Transmetal cleans the soot off of his glasses and places them back on his face. Cheese is fast asleep and mumbling in spanish. Transmetal is the first to speak.

“So, we may have gone a little too far this time.” Kain looks at him thoughtfully, then gazes at the wreckage.

“I’m guessing that the police will be here soon.”

“Well, if no one called them then they were probably tipped off by the pillar of smoke. By the way, how long has Cheese been out?” Kain glances at the sleeping slob.

“He’s been out since the last explosion.”

“We’re going to jail again, aren’t we?”

“We always get out of it. This time will be no different.” Transmetal laughs and looks at the wreckage.

“This is a little worse than most of the things we’ve done.”

“Technically, this isn't our fault.” Transmetal stares at him.

“What?”

“We didn’t uproot the gas line.”

“Yes, we did.”

“We didn’t break open said gas line.”

“Yes, we did.”

“We didn’t set the forthcoming gas aflame.”

“Yes, we did...you are still holding the torch.”

“Am I?” Kain looks down at his right hand and the burnt out torch he is holding. He tosses the burnt stick over his shoulder. It strikes Cheese in the forehead. Cheese, in turn, rolls over and mumbles profanities in Spanish. By this time, the police cars and fire trucks are screeching to a stop. The trio is hauled off to the local police station.

Time passes and the trio has once again gotten out of jail time by agreeing to court ordered psychiatric help. Their first meeting with the psychiatrist will be a memorable one for this psychiatrist.

“Alright, so Kain, why don’t you tell me about your parents.”

“Why don’t you tell me about your parents?”

“Kain, this is unhealthy behavior. Transemtal has made wonderful progress. He’s letting out all of his emotions.” Transmetal is sobbing in the corner of the room.

“I don’t think that’s actually progress.”

“Sure, it is. He’s letting all of his emotional walls crumble.”

“I think I’m ok now.” Transmetal wipes his eyes and sits back in his chair.

“Look, he didn’t make any progress. He just does that under certain circumstances.”

“I think you are being...”

“Trans, you’re a dill hole.” Transmetal runs back into the corner and starts sobbing again. Jabox 4 stares in awe, then turns to Cheese.

“Why am I here again?”

“Because we gave the police your name as an accessory.”

“You’re all assholes.”

“Thanks for noticing.” The psychiatrist, listening to this conversation, turns once again to Kain.

“Your theory is flawed, Kain. Cheesy Boy didn’t run and cry.”

“Cheese is apathetic. Watch. Cheese, your parents never loved you. Your brother never loved you. You’ll die lonely and cold.”

“Meh, I expected as much.”

“See?” At this point the psychiatrist puts her head in her hands and begins sobbing.

“Wow, we broke this one early.”

“Well, Kain it has been four minutes.”

“I still don’t know why I am here.”

“No one cares.” The psychiatrist stops sobbing and reaches for her notebook.

“Look, I’ll sign your papers if you just promise to never admit you were under my care.” The trio plus Jabox look at each other.

In unison, they yell, “AGREED!”

Thus another chapter in the screwed up lives of the DK staff is closed. Surely, another will open soon.