The Most Random Story Ever
--A Domain Kain Special--
Written by: & BiosoldierIt all began on a sunny day, In the neighboring nuclear power plant. Somebody walked into the building, and someone else walked out. This created an odd space-time-continuum rip, which replaces the nuclear powerplant with a rather large piece of pumpkin pie.
Damn that pumpkin pie! Frank got really hungry one day, famished actually. Apparently his mom hadn’t gone shopping, as there was no food. Frank took a ride to the pumpkin pie and ate a fairly large piece. Only to find out that that was where the shit-bucket was located, ewwwww... It still tasted good though, but there was something wrong. This was once a Nuclear powerplant... Thus, when he ate the area where people discarded their feces into the ‘ole john, the radio, Frank ate the radioactive material! Some of them anyway were brought into the pie during it’s magical transformation. Only to find out that Frank had been mutated into a giant talking, walking potty.
General Penis sat down in his chair. It was large, round like a cup. It was in this chair that he moved colored dots around a screen. But this was not important, the chair was. He had chairs upon chairs. His chairs were special. The chairs turned him on, and he, in turn, turned them on as well. To do so, he pressed the “on” button. The chair would then be turned on until which time the chair would, in turn, turn him on. General Penis' aide, Vas Deferens, chose this moment to enter.
“Sir! A rather large toilet has appeared on radar!”
“Bring me there!” States General Penis, with fire in his eyes. After dousing the flames with some salt, they left.
Yes... They left, beyond the filthy depths of the McDonald’s parking lot. As they drove in their WeiherSihnitzel mobile to their destination. They saw two dead boys go out to fight in the light in the midst of the night. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords, and shot each other. Hey, if you don’t believe me, just ask the blind man. He saw it too! General Penis and Vas Deferens drove away, they saw the same thing last week.
“Man, your breathe stinks! Here, chew on this vanish toilet cleaner capsule.”
“Fuck you, man!”
“Don’t make me let out a huge stanley steamer on your face!”
“Erg.”
“Hmmmmmm... Kinda sucks to be a toilet, huh Mr.Carrotstick?”
And yea, verily, the Lord saw the accursed one in his most vilest form. For the barrier had been broken asunder; thy most holiest veil had been, thus, shattered. The battle for thy blessed land had continued for many a millenia, reaching its climax at 4:30 pm on the 3rd of July. For the prophesies had spoken of such a toilet, which would bring about the destruction of the earth. Seeing this, the lord thought:
“Hot damn, some ass yearns kicking. Eat shit earthlings!”
At the Lord’s most holy command, the septic system for the nuclear powerplant began moving in reverse. Shit poured forth from the toilet bowl, engulfing the planet earth.
Yes, as the little human earth monkeys were drowning in their own hideous waves of shit, a spectator on the top of a building asked if we had any toilet paper. What a dumbass, just for that Vas Deferens opened up a rather large wormhole with an unusually long Carrotstick. The stupid man had shit sprayed on his clothing. Then thou were cast into the wormhole and sent to a different world. The wolrd of never-ending itchiness. And so the saga continues...
The End... for now...
Epilouge: The Lord saw what he had done, and thought it good. In celebration, he got piss drunk. Thus, giving birth to absolutely nothing.