Me and Public Urination



Written by: Cheesy Boy

Why what are you doing over there Billy??

Hi Grandpa, just going to the bathroom, could you please avert your eyes?

But Billy, that?s the living room wall. What have I told you about pissing on the walls?

You said it was okay grandpa.

I believe you heard me wrong, now zip up and come over here.

Okay grandpa.

-zip-

Now, you should never piss on the walls, it peels the paint.

But I remember you said it?s okay to pee on walls.

On most it?s okay because they don?t belong to me and I don?t have to pay to for more paint, which is fine by me.

So I can piss on other people's stuff?

Of course my boy. Just make sure they are not bigger than you, or know who you are.

Have you ever urinated in public grandpa?

Ahhh, public urination my old friend. Would you like to hear the story of my public urination charge, Billy?

Yeah!

Well it all started when I was 15 years old. I couldn?t drive yet, but a friend of mine could. He was a fairly good driver, but he was just plain crazy. Like there was this time when we had a race home and we nearly died on three separate occasions. Do you know what an E-brake turn is Billy?

No.

Well I?ll have to show you some time. But I?ll continue the story. Now on this particular day we were driving up and down a steep hill on a curvy and narrow road. He would drive, and I would time him.

That sounds dangerous.

It was dangerous to the stupid degree, and he made good time. Now this place had a poor parking lot made of gravel, and we were coming down the mountain and skid out and hit the only car in the parking lot.

Wow, did he really hit the car grandpa?

What? You think I?m lying to you? Fuck you!

Sorry, grandpa.

There, now we did hit the car. But you must realize that it really was the other cars fault. I mean we were racing up and down a mountain, you think they would choose a better place to park.

They're dumb asses right grandpa?

Damn straight they are. Say Billy, you never finished peeing did you?

Why do you say that grandpa?

Because your peeing on my knee. And I would like you to stop.

Sorry grandpa.

So after we hit them, he panicked, and drove off. And later that day we were charged with a hit and run, and public urination.

Why were you charged with public urination?

I'm getting to it you impudent little fuck!

Mommy says you're not supposed to say things like that.

Your mom's a ho bag. But back to the story. Well before the stupidity we had to go to the bathroom, and there wasn't exactly a port-a-potty. But there was high grass, and no other cars, so we went in the grass. And just as we were zipping, up they drove in the parking lot.

Who drove in?

You remember the dumb asses.

Okay.

I guess they saw us and got mad, especially after the hit and run. But thanks to the fact that my friend?s parents had a good lawyer, they dropped the public urination charge, and he got off with only a 6 week suspension, when he should off had it taken away for the rest off his life because of all the points he had on his license.

That was a really bad story grandpa.

Well at lest my mom isn't ho bag, Billy.