This Just In
Written by: CheesyBoy
“I saw in the check out line that Oprah is dying. The paper said she has less then 6 years.” It was a bad way to start a conversation, if for no other reason then it made me look like I care about Opera. I didn’t, I was just bored.
“This just in,” he said in his best fake news caster voice, “Oprah is a mortal capable of dying.”
“Not a bad fake news caster, but you didn’t sell it. Let me show you how it’s done.” I put on my serious face, and put my index and middle finger up to my ear and pretended to listen to something. Then in my best imitation of Dan Rather I said, “I’m now getting confirmed reports that Oprah, the talk show Queen, is in fact not the Highlander.” I slowly took off my glasses, “and as such, she may die. I know that this news will touch each of us in our own way, but we must be strong.”
He nodded in appreciation of my fake newscaster abilities, and then launched back into it. “This just in, analysis’s are saying that the human lifespan is less, according to some, considerably less then infinite. Truly, this is not the same world we lived in yesterday.”
“Not bad.” It wasn’t bad, “But you can’t do it right.”
“What? Mine kicked ass. What insignificant nick picky problem did you have with it?”
“You don’t have glasses, and if you don’t have glasses, how are you going to dramatically take them off?”
“Point conceded, give me your glasses.” I gave him my glasses. “Alright, now… wholly crap. How bad are your fucking eyes? I can barely see.”
“They’re not that bad.” I said a bit too defensively.
“Whatever, alright give me a sec to get into character.” He did indeed get into character.
“Now in lighter news…” He faded out as he suddenly needed to listen to his middle and index finger. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but judging from his expression I think that whatever they were saying was very important, and very serious. “I’m sorry, but I’ve received confirmed reports that Oprah, the talk show Queen, is in fact mortal.” He slowly took off my glasses. “I know that this news touches each and every one of us, and that it touches some of us, in a very sexy place.”
That fully deserved a slow clap. “A fake newscaster into an inappropriate touching joke, all with out breaking character, I am impressed.” Honesty felt a little uncomfortable.
“You were right; it’s all in the glasses.”