It Started Simple
Written by: SpotliteIt started simple...then something went horribly wrong...
“Oh god, my ham is burnededed!!!!” Screamed a frantic Spotlite, obviously over reacting.
“Well, you probably shouldn’t have cooked it at 700* Fahrenheit for 7 hours and 7 minutes.” Said Spaz in an odd burst of intelligence.
“But the three 7s have never let me down! WHY 777, WHY?”
“Shut up.”
As smoke from the ham poured out of the oven, elsewhere a tired Quantum sat lazily in a leather recliner, watching some archaic kung-fu movie nobody has ever heard of. “Why did he block that? Dodge you fool, dodge! He’s ten times slower then you!”
“Don’t question a kung-fu fighter’s integrity! He knows what he’s doing,” said a slightly pissed Shizuka.
“Maybe you shouldn’t question my kung-fu foot in your kung-fu ass!”
Back to the first scene, Lite was angrily forcing charred bite after charred bite down his throat. “I bought this ham for $20, so I’m gonna damn well eat it!”
“You’re dumber than I look! Wait, I mean YOU look! ...yeah.”
“Yes indeedy, I sure am. Hey, wait that was an insult! Uuuuuuhg...this ham is more than I can handle. Eat it for me, will you? I have some samurai business to attend to.”
“What samurai business! You don’t even have your sword yet! What’s a samurai without a sword, not to mention YEARS OF TRAINING??”
“Well, this samurai commands you to shut your fat face, kiss ass.”
“Bite me.”
“Oh, I’ll make you eat those words!”
And in an orgasm of horrible planning and bad timing, Lite jumped at Spaz, foaming at the mouth and all. In one fluid motion, a punch to the face and a knee to the gut were administered, doctor Spaz’s orders.
“Owww!!! Shit, that was unnecessary!! I was just...gonna give you a hug! Yeah, that works...”
“Really? Sorry.”
“You should be, jerk.”
Jumping again to another group of peopleses...
“I, for one, don’t know why they haven’t made edible super glue yet,” argued Barbie Boy.
“...Are you truly that stupid? Do you practice?” Questioned a confused and weirded out Kain.
“Well, it would shock you how little I think. I like to imagine my brain as a big, old computer that never runs when you need it to.”
“Interesting...I’m going to remove it now.”
“Perfectly understandable.”
Back to QH and Shizuka...
“I like stuff.”
“Yeah. Stuff is good.”
Back to Lite and Spaz...AGAIN.
“Well, when you look at it that way...yeah, she is a whore,” Lite proclaimed dramatically.
“...What are you talking about? You just said that...but I wasn’t talking. Where did that come from??”
“My mind...where EVERYTHING I say comes from.”
“Touché.”
And...lets say it’s another group of people this time.
“I LIKE DR PEPPER IT IS GOOD LETS GO KILL SOME REDNECKS OK COOL” Screamed a rabid Cheesy Boy on a caffeine high.
“Speak coherently, dumbass,” Transmetal said, not even giving eye contact.
“WHY I CANT SAY PERIODS OR ANY PUNCTUATION FOR THAT MATTER SEE”
“What? That sentence made little to no sense.”
“Indeed.”
“Hey, the high is gone.”
“Time for more soda, then.”
“Good lord...”
Elsewhere...again...
“Milord, a dark object has just stolen our plans to blow up China, and steal all its tea!”
“Curse you, Shadow! CUUUURRRSSEEE YOOOUUU!!!!”
The End of sorts!