Dress Rehersal

Written by: CheesyBoy



“Come on everyone! Places!” cries Cheesy Boy. “We don’t have all day!”

“Yes we do. We have a week.” says Kain.

“Kain said it has to be done today. And what Kain wants, Kain gets.”

“I’m Kain idiot!”

“No, you’re a doppelganger sent to kill me. Now get to work.” Cheesy Boy dashes away leaving behind a confused and angered (surprise!) Kain.

“Why are we going through with this again Biosoldier?” asks Kain.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m here because he said if I didn’t come he would release the mecha-armadillos.” sighed Biosoldier

“Yeah, the mecha-armadillos. Dammit, were on earth did he get them?”

“He claims to have made them with his mind...”

“But he doesn’t have a mind.”

“So I’m guessing the internet.”

“Cheese!”

“Yeah Garet?”

“There is a problem with the script.”

“No there isn’t.”

“Yes there is. See in this script and even in this story...”

“This story?”

“I’m portrayed human, but I’m a computer. See...” points at self, “I have a body”

“I’m not following.”

“I’m a computer. You wrote me human, to be more specific, you wrote me in as Abe Lincoln, a time traveling alien who travels forward in time to stop the creation of Lincoln logs for apparently they will bring about the apocalypse.”

“They will!”

“Sure, but in the mean time, I’m a computer, not a time traveling President.”

“Can’t you be both?”

“No.”

“Robert DeNeniro was both.”

“No he wasn't”

“Then who was it that was in that movie.”

“There was no movie.”

“Yes there was, it was called The Movie were Robert DeNeniro portrays Abe Lincoln, a time traveling alien, 2.”

“No there wasn’t and I’m not human, I can’t become one either.”

“You’re just not trying hard enough.”

“It’s not... Are you eating a block of wood?”

“Minty.”

“Were did you get that?”

“Kain made it for me said it was special.”

“I covered that block in cyanide.” Kain says.

“Dear god,” Garet starts, “Cyanide is like crack to him, it just makes him hyper.”

“What have I done?”

“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH”

“What was that?”

“I always scream when I hear a loud noise.”

“There was no noise.”

“That’s what you want me to think isn’t it Doppelganger?”

“I’m not a Doppelganger.”

“I must seek out the noise!” Screams Cheesy boy as he runs off.

“Hey, Garet.”

“Yeah Kain.”

“Would you mind giving me a list of things that should, but in actuality don’t kill him?”

“No problem.”

“Is there a way to kill him?”

At this point Cheesy Boy is hanging upside down hanging from his tail from the rafters.

“If I knew, do you think he would still be alive?”

“When did he grow a tail?” asks Kain

“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t ask if I were you.”

Cheesy Boy falls and hits the ground with a defining thud. Everyone’s hopes are destroyed when he quickly rises.

“Glad to see your back from surgery Garet. Did you get the Pringles you wanted yet?”

Garet starts to speak, but his cut off when Kain lays a hand on his shoulder. Garet looks at him, and Kain merely shakes his head.

“Yeah, I got them.”

“Good, now get into costume. The scenes were Lincoln fights the Japanese at the battle of Midway is coming up soon.”

Garet and Kain seize the opportunity to get as far away as possible.

“Barbie Boy!”

“What Cheese?”

“Are you ready to let the monkeys loose?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. There pretty angry.”

“Probably because I haven’t feed them in ten days. Now let ‘em fly!”

“But...”

“Do it, I have a plan.”

“If you say so.”

Barbie Boy opens the hatch and let’s loose rabid monkey on steroids who are really hungry. They instantly being to tear and eat every thing in sight. Including, Barbie Boy.

“Excellent, now to use my powers of the mind to control the monkeys so we can reenact the civil war.”

“You don’t have mind control powers!” screams Biosoldier.

“I said powers of the mind”

“You don’t have those either.”

“Then how did I stop the Green Goblin?”

“That was Spiderman.”

“I’m Spiderman?”

“No, and we are going to die.”

“Yes, now that you mention it, my spider sense is tingling.”