Christmas... And Stories That I Forgot to Finish

Written by: Transmetal



Kain enters the Domain Kain gaming lounge

Kain: Transmetal! What's wrong with you! I ask you to write three reviews and a Christmas story, but I find you playing... playing... What is this?!

Transmetal: It's called "Playboy Mansion: The Euphoric Adventure".

Kain: ...

Transmetal: Hey, you said I needed to try an Xbox game, so I found one I liked.

Kain: Now, last I checked, you liked to play games like Sonic or Mario. Hell, you've been playing Super Mario Sunshine non-stop since you stole... err... borrowed it from CheesyBoy.

Transmetal: I need a game that excites my intelligence as well as my loins...

Kain: THAT'S IT!!! From here on you are banned from Xbox, especially mine... And make sure you clean off my controller...

Transmetal: That's ok, I have it for Gamecube too.

Kain: It's an Xbox exclusive you idiot...

Transmetal: Not any more!

Transmetal takes out an exact-o-knife and begins to cut off the outer half of the DVD

Transmetal: See? Now it fits in the Gamecube.

Kain watches dumbfounded, as Transmetal puts the disc into the Gamecube.

Kain: You dipshit, it won't work.

Kain watches in horror as the game loads up in the Gamecube

Kain: How in the hell...

Transmetal: Granted, since I cut half the disc off, only half of the sound, graphics, gameplay, and even control is present.

Kain: *Watches the game for a moment* It ruins the game's appeal when only the head and the feet of the character can be seen.

Transmetal: Hmmmm... The lack of anything but control on the A button kinda takes away from the experience too. I think I'm ready to write a Halloween story.

Kain: Halloween? Isn't that out of season?

Transmetal: Yeah, I kinda forgot to finish the Killer Leaf story. As a matter of fact, I forgot about the Gundam Parody as well.

Kain: You said you had started it.

Transmetal: Ok, well I sketched out a few ideas. Here they are:



Narrator: The year; Universal Century 0083. The last remenants of Zeon have begun their plot for revenge. Instead of making their own spiffy battle weapons, they go and steal a little something called a Gundam. In an effort to recover it, the warship Albion flys after them. Relationships begin to grow between young crew members, especially between a particular pilot and an Aneheim engineer.


Setting: Lunar Base

Scene: A Mobile Suit engineer lab. A small room with rows of PCs, and a glass window on the opposite side giving a view of the docking bay.


(Nina, an engineer, sits downcast at her workplace, she looks up as a friend of her's enters the room)

Girl: Looks like you have a guest Nina: Ensign Kou Uraki!

Kou: Uhhhhh... Hi Nina.

Girl: Well, guess I'd better go now. *giggles*

(Nina's friend exits the room, leaving the two by themselves)

Kou: Sooooo... Your office is really clean.

Nina: Oh, really?

Kou: You look as if you're upset, is there something the matter?

Nina: Well, there are a few complications...

Kou: Complications?

Nina: It's nothing... really... so, what's the emergency?

Kou: Uhhh... Do you mind if I sit down, Nina? *laughs nervously*

(As Kou sits, he begins to break out in a sweat; two movie tickets briefly show themselves from his uniform pocket, but he quickly hides them back in)

Kou: Boy it's hot in here, don't they allow you air conditioning? *another nervous laugh*

Nina: Do you want something before you leave?

(Nina begins to smile invitingly, as she has noticed the two movie tickets)

Kou: Well.... Errr... If you're busy Nina, it can wait.



Kain: Ok, so far you've just copied part of one of the episodes. It's not leading anywhere, and it sure as hell isn't funny.

Transmetal: Shhhh... Keep reading.



Nina: It's not a problem, I'm through with all my work.

Kou: Oh, you really are?

Nina: *giggles*

Kou: Well, then I...

Nina: Then what? *starts leaning forward, smiles flirtingly*

Kou: Ah, then I... uh... uh...

(Kou is visibly uncomfortable, sweating and breathing in rapid gasps)

Kou: Gee... This is so difficult, what's my problem...

Nina: Yes?

Kou: Uh... *clears throat, turns "official"* I was going to ask you about the pulse manipulator in the new auto system.

Nina: *Begins to lose interest* What about it?

Kou: Well... uhhh... There seems to be uh... a bit of noise.

Nina: So what about the noise.

Kou: ahh, forget about it...

Nina: *slams her hands down onto the table* Coward!

(Nina gets up and runs out of the room, crying)

Heero: Having girl problems?

Kou: What?! Where did you come...

Heero: Trust me, even if I had the patience to tell you, you wouldn't want to know.

Kou: Ohhh...

(Kou sits down, dejected)

Heero: It's about time you sniffed the smelling salts.

Kou: Pardon?

Heero: The chicks only dig the guys with self-destructs on their rides. Observe.

(Heero smashes the glass window, allowing the vaccum of space to suck him outside and into his mobile suit. Once inside, he slams on the self destruct. Inexplicably, the lack of air doesn't seem to bother Kou)



Kain: What the... So you randomly inject a character from a completely different series into a story he has no purpose in. On top of that, he just got sucked into space and hit the self des... Oh yeah, I forgot, that's definitly in character for him.

Transmetal Hehehehe... Did you like the reference to smelling salts? I'm not too sure what they are, but they sound funny.

Kain: Is this story heading anywhere?

Transmetal: Yeah, I love smelling salts.



Kou: Remind me, why are you trying to kill yourself?

Heero: Shhhhh... Watch and see.

(Heero's Gundam begins to emit strange and random patterns of light via use of poorly remastered animation)

Kou: *smacks head as he realizes that HIS Gundam is the one about to blow up*

(The Gundam's minovsky reactor implodes, causing the multibillion dollar piece of military equipment to be destroyed in a light effects extraveganza explosion)

(Random Group of Teenage Girls): Ohhhh!!! Look at that cute guy!

Kou: Wait, you mean the dead one that was just incinerated?

Girl: Yes, wait, no...

Heero: You see? The chicks don't go for personality, money or even looks; It's the whole mysterious, suicidal complex that get's their attention.

(Heero stands at the doorway, with his arms wrapped around several large breasted females)

Kou: Isn't that a little sexist?

Heero: Perhaps, but who there's nothing wrong with a little sex in your daily life.

(Utter silence)

Kou: Maybe we should end this before the jokes get even worse.

Heero: Right.



Kain: Is that it?

Transmetal: Hmmmm... I must've forgot, it looks like I finished the story. Well, it only needs one last touch to make it a Christmas story.

Kain: Oh really...

Transmetal: Tree.

Kain: What?

Transmetal: I said "tree". Now it's a christmas story.

Kain: You mean, we're inside the christmas story?

Transmetal: Yes, we're mere figments of my... hmmm... the writers imagination.

Kain: This makes our existance rather... Meaningless... Does it not?

Transmetal: But, like Frosty the Snowman who comes back every Christmas, we come back to life every time someone reads this story.

Kain: No... Frosty was a pedophile, I want nothing to do with him.

Transmetal: Tree

Kain: Why again?

Transmetal: To ensure the reader feels the Christmas spirit. You feel the Christmas spirit... DON'T YOU?! HUH?!

Kain: Ya know, this is all coming across as a bad joke.

Transmetal: That's too bad, 'cause you know every time you tell a joke, a clown dies. Stop the joke: Save the Clowns.

Kain: ...

Transmetal: Bozo should be rolling in his grave.

Kain: Maybe we should end this before the jokes get even worse.

Transmetal: Right.



TREE




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