DMV Trip
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It all began on a bright and sunny wednesday morning. The storm clouds got stuck in traffic, so for a span of about 20 minutes it looked to be a good day. But the foreshadowing was too great a thing to be ignored. It was goint to just be one of those days...
Transmetal ran down the street, his face contorted in such a way that you knew he was uncomfortable and wet. For wet he was indeed. the rain poured down from the sky like cats chasing catnip over a cliff. His tattered poncho offered little protection from the variety of rain droplets that assualted him. On any other day, he would have stayed inside to watch the news. On any other day, he would've stayed inside to watch the news. On any other day, he would've slept in until 1 in the afternoon. On any other day, he would've remembered to drink his coffee after mixing it. But today was different. In a strange twist of mood, Transmetal smiled.
"Oh, be wary all you ignorant pedestrians," Transmetal thought to himself. "For your innocence, and your safety is about to come under seige."
With this in mind, Transmetal confidently walked into the DMV building. What he saw, wasn't exactly what he had expected. When one thinks of government buildings, one thinks of pristina, sterile hallways with flourescent lighting. The room he stood in was dirty and unkept. Ash trays and a broken men's room sign were the most friendly things he could see. The room was filled with smoke, probably from the receptionist who , by the pile of empty cigarette boxes, looked like she could smoke a good three packs in under 15 minutes. People with black eyes, and missing teeth looked up at him as he passed, and quickly went back to reading whatever magazine they were reading. One of them was sharpening his already absurdly sharp knife. Ignoring them, Tranmsetal walked over to the receptionist, who looks up from her paperwork.
"Whaddya want?"
"I'm here for my liscence test."
The receptionist pauses and takes a ridiculously long time to light another cigarette.
"You're late."
"But it's only..."
"The instructor is waiting outside in..."
Transmetal looks outside, towards whatever she is pointing at.
"A Dodge Ram? You're not serious..."
"Maybe this'll teach you to arrive on time from now on."
"But I wasn't..."
"GO!"
Transmetal ruefully looks at his plastic Mc.Donalds watch, and walks out towards the truck. To call this vehicle a mere truck would be a humbling expereince for it. To call it an overtly large metallic beast would simply be accurate. It's radiators seemed to snarl at him, mocking his comparitivly miniscule size and lack of horsepower. It was with much apprehension and fear that Transmetal opened the driver side seat and got in.
"Alright, I gotta stay calm... Gotta stay focused..." Transmetal tells himself. He glances over at this instructor, who is quietly sipping at some coffee. At first, Transmetal doesn't recognize him; the neatly pressed suit and tie are definitly out of character. But only one man would wear pitch black sunglasses on a cloudy day like today..."
"Some instructors believe in clipboards," The man holds out the driver test clipboard "I don't.".
The clipboard is suddenly and violently thrown out the window.
"What are you doing here?! You're not a driver instructor!!!"
"I quit my day job. Plus, they offer free Cherry Coke as part of the salary," Kain places the foam coffee cup in one of the cup holders. "The rules are simple, if you spill my absurdly hot coffee, I spill your guts."
"Isn't that a little..."
"Harsh? Just shut up and drive."
Transmetal briefly reflects on if he should comment on how many times his sentences have been cut short today, but settles for shifting into drive.
"Now turn out of the DMV and head for EB."
"Where's that?"
"Follow the trail of dead bodies."
So he followed the trail of dead bodies. We won't elaborate on some of the stupendously horrific examples of decaying flesh that, like guady flourescent neon arros, pointed the way towards gaming euphoria. Instead, we'll highligh some of the more education aspects.
"Why did you stop the car just now?"
"There's a red light..."
"Shut up, and go."
"But there's traffic..."
"When you're in a truck as large as we are, you make your own rules. Regardless of that, you're large enough to run them over, so get to it!"
And...
"Kain!!! The cops are onto us! What do I do?!"
"Take a right."
"What? Where?! Past the bridge?"
"No, on the bridge."
"What?"
"Take a right onto the river."
Transmetal takes a sharp turn with the car, smashes through the guard rails, and lands onto the frozen river below. Kain cannot help but comment, "Ya know, this truck might not've sunk if it was made after 1984." as they slowly head for the river bottom.
And...
"What are you doing?"
"We're at the mall, and I'm parking."
"No, I said to go to EB. You don't stop until you get there."
"The mall cops may not appreciate..."
"The mall cops can appreciate the freshly washed tire treds, now go." After several seconds he adds: "Make sure to run through the Gamecube game display."
Somehow, they manged to survive all this, despite an all out assault by local Ostriches, which forced several Penguin families to live out on the streets, and subsequently become "one with the tire tred". As the two drive back into the DMV parking lot, an oncoming car forces Transmetal to swerve to the right, running into a snow bank. Everything seems to run in slow motion, as the car rocks forward and back. Transmetal eyes dash to the coffee cup. The force of impact causes the cup to fly out of the holder
"Ah shit!"
The cup lands on the floor with a bonce. Kain reaches down, picks it up and looks at it inquisitively.
"Hmmm... Empty... "
(Cue Anime-style sweat-droplets, and randomly drawn characters to fall on their backs Anime-style)
Epilouge: Transmetal did eventually recieve his license, after a two hour wait in line at the DMV office. He can now be seen driving down the road in his parents '98 caravan, attempting to pick up the ladies at local bars. Quite frankly, he isn't successful, and never will be.