Cheesy Boy Clones
Written by:"Spotlite, we have trouble."
"I'M IN MIDDLE OF SOMETHING DAMMIT! I TOLD YOU NEVER TO COME IN WHI..."
"...while you were screwing Trinity, fine. Whatever. Anyway, we sorta need you to come over to that... bridge... thingy... where the consoles are. So just... uh... finish what you were doing."
"GET OUT!"
Thus, Zion had found it's saviors in a most scraggly band of miscreants. The Domain Kain staff had somehow survived the machine's sweep of destruction across the planet's surface, and had made their way down to the only surviving human city. Even more miraculously, they had all been assigned to man a ship christened "The Mystery Machine". Kain's spraypainting of "Romanian Nobleman" on the hull had done little to effect this naming. Unfortunately however, the machines were slowly winning. Ship by ship, Zion's forces were being destroyed. The situation hadn't been helped by Transmetal whamming their ship into the Nebakenezzer (The one that Neo & friends are in, in the Matrix movies), and killing every one of it's crew (except Trinity. She was quickly assimilated into the crew as Spotlite's bitch).
"Now what the hell do you guys need me for."
Spotlite spoke as he climbed the ladder into the main bridge. On this bridge, Jabox4 sat at the console, hacking into the Matrix at random. Kain sat at an opposing console, playing Legacy of Kain Defiance. Neither took any notice of him.
"..."
"Oh hey, there you are."
"What is it?"
"Oh, just thought you might wanna fulfill your destiny or something."
"My what?"
"Your destiny as The One. You didn't think we'd buy you a full trench coat just for the hell of it, did you? No, The One needs a stylish black outfit to go with the whole 'destiny' bit. Speaking of which, you need to go in and save the matrix."
"Weren't we fighting to destroy it?"
"Well... Yeah... but this isn't the time for logic. Besides, it makes for great SFX sequences when you're fighting Agent Smith..."
Spotlite sits on a Lazy Boy chair, in which he is jacked in. As the needle inserts itself into his brain, the outside world seems to vanish. All he is aware of is the feeling of falling from the sky, as his brain wakes up to the reality within the matrix. As he slowly begins to assert control, he realizes that he IS falling from the sky. Landing face first on a flooded street, he moans in pain.
“Akuna Matta! What a wonderful phrase!”
An army of singing voices suddenly appears, pausing almost right after they had started. Spotlite looks up, his vision is blurred by the hurricane of rain droplets assaulting his face. He can, however, make out the scruffy coat wearing figure of...
“Cheesy Boy?”
“Akuna Matta! What a wonderful phrase!”
Thousands of Cheesy Boy clones appear to be step dancing in rythem on the flooded streets of... whatever city this was. Spotlite tries standing up with his soaked trench coat, but trips on himself.
“Akuna Matta! Hey does anyone know the other part of the song?”
“...”
“Akuna Matta! What a wonderful phrase!”
“Oh oh oh !!! I remember now! It’s “ain’t no passing...”. Ummm...”
Spotlite finally gets up, stumbling about in the darkness (he’s still wearing sunglasses).
“Dammit... Oh... What the hell is all this? Cheesy Boy, is that you?!”
“No! I am Agent Smith! Fear us! AKUNA MATTA!”
“Dammit, I’m not dealing with this shit.”
Spotlite rips off his sunglasses in disgust, and exits the matrix. Behind him, the thousand or so Cheesy Boy’s that fill the city continue dancing. There is dancing in the buildings, in the alleyways, in the streets, and even in the local theatres (where Matrix Revolutions is playing). There is harmony; despite... you know... the matrix ripping itself apart and everything.
Thus, it was that Spotlite fulfilled his destiny.