Forward March



Written by: Transmetal

It started innocently enough. Fueled by boredom, coffee, and a healthy dose of ego, our intrepid staff members set out to conquer the world. One nuclear holocaust later, they find themselves sitting at a quiet cafe in San Fransisco.

Transmetal - Spotlite didn't make it.

Kain - Who got him?

Transmetal - Well, last I heard he was in Texas protesting... um... the people there. Point being, I'd wager it was Jabox4's.

Kain - That was a decently big explosion, it must've covered at least the state, if not more...

Transmetal - The lesson we've learned from this is that Jabox4 and access to military laser satelites should not be mixed.

Kain - So that leaves... *Kain looks at the staff bio page* Cheesy Boy, Barbie Boy, Biosoldier, Shizuka and the entirety of Blue Score.

Transmetal - Cheesy Boy was last seen leading a cult into the Andes. Barbie Boy is in South Africa, being worshipped by a rare pigmy tribe. Biosoldier somehow managed to trip into a basin filled with radioactive sludge, and drowned. Blue Score all signed up for a season of Big Brother, but probably didn't know this years theme is "last man standing". As for Shizuka, he's serving us coffee.

Shizuka - Would you like some more donuts with your coffee?

Transmetal - No waiter, that'll be all.

Kain - So that leaves the three of us.

Jabox4 - Word.

Transmetal - Pretty much.

Kain - *glances at laptop* So, the way it looks I have your capital surrounded.

Transmetal - I find it funny how much our life seems to mirror that Command & Conquer game.

Kain - Yes, an odd coincidence.

Transmetal - So given the presence of ... oh wow, you do seem to have alot of tanks around my capital. Where's my capital again?

Jabox4 - *silently points to location on Transmetal's screen*

Transmetal - Yeah, I'm really getting good at the whole "leading the free world" thing.

Kain - Except your side is more like a variety dish of middle eastern militias than a nation-state.

Transmetal - They believe in the cause of freedom, justice, and ovaltine before bedtime. Plus, Jabox4 commands the greater half of the United State's former military power. Wouldn't the monikor apply to him?

Kain - I... guess. You just disproved your own argument.

Transmetal - Freedom of stupidity?

Kain - Right, so about my tanks marching on your capital.

Transmetal - I neglected to mention, I have a good half dozen bombers homing in on your military base. Your move.

Kain - True, but I also have anti air emplacements that are already aiming at said bombers.

Transmetal - Yeah well...

Jabox4 - *clicks a few buttons, chuckles, and scarfs a donut*

*both Transmetal and Kain's laptops beep for attention*

Transmetal - Hm, well that would pretty much be both of our capitals... evaporating.

Kain - Damn you Yarbys! You're paying for the coffee now.

Thus is it written in the sacred scripture of Dulce de leche how Jabox4 conquered the world. He then died 3 years later of syphilis.